32 clever fantasy football team names
Bears: Julius Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. Julius Peppers... One of the all-time great albums by The Beatles. You do the math.
Lions: The Fairley Godparents. You got defensive tackle Nick Fairley, then you've got the concept of fairy godparents. The thought of a little fat Nick Fairley flying around granting wishes brings joy to my heart.
Dolphins: Bush It Real Good. "Push It" by Salt-n-Pepa is one of the greatest songs our great nation has ever been blessed with. Reggie Bush's last name happens to rhyme with push.
Jaguars: Knighton Shining Armor. Terrance Knighton, straight out of my own alma mater of Temple University, is one of the more underrated defensive lineman in the league right now. If the "Knight In Shining Armor" relation wasn't immediately obvious to you, you've got some problems.
Jets: Call Me Maybin. The timeless irritant of a song has taken the world by storm, so we might as well start using it in our fantasy team names. You may not know who Aaron Maybin is, but I can guarantee that Jets, Bills, and Penn State fans do.
Chiefs: Jamaal Charles' Angels. Here's one for the ladies. We got one of those Wheel of Fortune "Before & Afters" going on with running back Jamaal Charles and the classic television show Charlie's Angels.
49ers: Straight Gold, Homie. The Niners just acquired wide receiver Randy Moss this offseason, and with Randy comes his wonderfully entertaining off-field quotes. One of his most famous was "Straight cash, homie." Now that he's on a team named after gold miners, I've remodeled the phrase.
Broncos: Last Train to Dumervil. Ever hear "Last Train to Clarksville" by The Monkees? Maybe you're too young.
Falcons: Matt Ryan's Song. Like the classic football movie "Brian's Song," but way less sad.
Bengals: The Dandy Andy Daltons. This one actually has a bit of a negative connotation, so I guess it's more for Bengal haters than actual Bengal fans.
Patriots: The Wes Walkers. Any Game of Thrones fans? White walkers... Wes walkers. Maybe it's a bit of a stretch.
Cowboys: The Holy Romo Empire. Roman? Romo? You get it.
Browns: All About The Travis Benjamins. Like the movie/song/saying, but with wide receiver Travis Benjamin's first name thrown in there.
Rams: Meet the Brockers. I'm sure quite a few quarterbacks will be introduced to Rams' rookie Michael Brockers this season, and then you've got the movie Meet the Fockers.
Giants: The Book Of Eli. Same name as the movie, but Eli Manning is the one writing history these days.
Vikings: Don't Go Breaking My Gerheart. Like the song, but with Toby Gerhart's name thrown into the mix. If you're not a fan of Elton John and Kiki Dee, you can go with something a little more intimidating, like GerHeartless.
Eagles: Kicking Asomugha and Taking Names. Like the good old saying, but with a little Nnamdi Asomugha twist.
Steelers: Speedy GonWallace. Speedy Gonzalez is fast. Mike Wallace is fast. Fuse them.
Packers: Aaron Rodgers' Neighborhood. I may have actually seen this as a headline somewhere. I can't remember. Sorry if I stole it. Anyway, you may get it, but if you're any younger than me, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood may be before your time.
Seahawks: Sid Fried Rice. Sidney Rice... Pork fried rice... Get it?
Saints: Gregg The Bounty Hunter. Sorry, but I had to go there. You got the show Dog the Bounty Hunter, then you've got Gregg Williams, who has been suspended indefinitely for his involvement in the Saints' bounty scandal.
Buccaneers: Light Up The LeGarrette Blount. If you don't get it, you're too young to know.
Titans: Kenny Britt and the Convictions. Sounds kind of like one of those old fashioned soul groups, doesn't it? In actuality, Kenny Britt has just been arrested about a billion times.
Colts: Feelin' Lucky, Punk? To paraphrase the end of Dirty Harry's greatest quote, this may be a little bit of a stretch with rookie quarterback Andrew Luck's name. If so, here's a more boring option that I'm sure you'll all get: Reggie Wayne's World.
Cardinals: Givin' 'Em Fitz. Larry Fitzgerald. You get it.
Ravens: You Got Ngata. Defensive tackle Haloti Ngata. Nada as in nothing. There you go.
Raiders: Rolando McPain. Rolando McClain can obviously bring the pain, considering he busted up Jason Witten's spleen a couple weeks ago. It's a real shame I couldn't come up with a better one for my own team.
Panthers: The Laptop Jackers. Were you aware that Cam Newton originally attended the University of Florida and got in trouble for either stealing or purchasing a stolen laptop while enrolled there?
Redskins: The Meriweather Outside Is Frightful. You all know the words to "Let It Snow." Change "weather" to the last name of Redskin's safety Brandon Meriweather and you've got a team name.
Texans: Connor The Barwinian. Connor Barwin? Conan the Barbarian? So it's a stretch. Get over it.
Bills: Stephon Gilmore Girls. Yeah, I don't know.
Woah! Looks like I gave you 33 team names. Must be your lucky day. Oh wait, no Chargers? Yeah, I hate the Chargers.