After holding a team-wide viewing party for the fifth and final episode of HBO's Hard Knocks featuring the Miami Dolphins last night, the Miami Dolphins appear to have lost all hope for the 2012 season.
“It does not look good,” said quarterback Matt Moore who had just watched himself benched in favor of rookie Ryan Tannehill. “I’m pretty sure these are things a losing team does,” he added.
HBO, who typically prefers to cover teams on an upswing, teams entering a season with promise, teams with hope, found themselves stuck with the Dolphins after being turned down by a handful of targets. The Dolphins, fairly certain that nobody cared about whatever the hell it was they were doing down in Miami, jumped at the opportunity.
Recalls GM Jeff Ireland, “when HBO came knocking I had just been evaluating our depth chart, trying to figure out how to get all these guys on our roster less playing time. And I said to myself, 'hey, if Hard Knocks is interested, maybe there is hope for us after all.' After watching the first four episodes of the series, I see that I was dead wrong.”
With the dreaded start of the season just a couple weeks away, some players prefer to look back on an earlier time when the series actually gave them hope. “I was psyched when training camp began,” admitted one of the Dolphins’ interchangeable wide receivers. “The cameras had everybody abuzz, playing out of their shoes. The third stringers were playing like second stringers, the second stringers were playing like third stringers, and the first stringers, well, they were so excited, they were all out of breath!”
“But once they killed off Chad everything went South,” he lamented.
Despite the Dolphins’ forlorn reception of their own TV series and their insistance that it has sent them into the season sad, scared, and devoid of passion for the game, HBO maintains that this season of Hard Knocks has offered viewers plenty of intrigue, including, but not limited to: classic lineman hijinx, Ryan Tannehill’s wife, cheerleaders, the color teal, Joe Philbin’s lovable demeanor, that tight end who gets blown up every single time he tries to block somebody, Ryan Tannehill’s wife from other angles, and last but not least, that scene where they killed off Chad Johnson.
And when it's all said and done, the series is not for the players. but for the fans themselves, giving them an unprecedented look into the preparation their favorite team puts into the game. Said one excited Miami sports fan, "yo no pudé comprender nada sobre esta programa porque no fueron subtítulos."
Follow me on Twitter, where I will be live-tweeting Chad Johnson's assimiliation into the life of the commoners, including, but not limited to: Chad goes grocery shopping, Chad joins a local book club, Chad headbutts the contentious golden retriever next door.