Baltimore Orioles inconvenienced by meaningful second-half schedule
The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of pure inspiration, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.
Having arrived at the second half of the long, arduous season that is Major League Baseball, the Baltimore Orioles, a perennial baseball team, have found themselves in the unlikely, if not inconvenient position of having many more meaningful games left on their schedule.
Their schedule, which has them playing consequential baseball through July, probably into August, and god forbid into September (do not even think of uttering the word "October" to a Baltimore Oriole,) will see them square of with the Rays, Tigers, and Yankees in the next two weeks. With the pressure mounting, the Orioles are beginning to admit that this isn't how they drew it up.
"This isn't how we drew it up," admits Adam Jones, one of the Orioles' younger, more promising players who had hoped to be on the trading block by now. "We did April how we do, busting out of the gate while the rest of the AL East was still sleepy from the Winter, but this time, it never stopped."
"Where the f*ck are the Boston Red Sox?" he added, looking over his shoulder in bewilderment.
While Jones' "why us?" attitude is prevalent throughout the clubhouse, there is one abnormality that remains persistent in it's desire to win.
"God damn right we're still in this race," remarked Buck Showalter, angry for no apparent reason. "We're a ballclub, god damn it. We're gonna pitch, we're gonna run the bases, we're gonna try to hit and so help me god, I am going to make sure they continue to field the baseball and throw it to first, no matter how much they despise me for it."
The Orioles will open the second half against the Tigers, a team that, in stark contrast, has underachieved thus far. "We figure that if we just 'do our best' and pitch to Prince Fielder, this will all work itself out," said Orioles' starter Jason Hammel. "But who really knows anymore in these strange times of ours?" he concluded dejectedly.
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