A couple years ago, if you had told me that in January of 2009, the Arizona Cardinals would win the NFC Championship and a black man would be the President of the United States, I would probably think you're a little loopy. A black president, that wouldn't be so shocking. But the Cardinals heading to the Super Bowl? That's crazy.

If the 2000's have taught us anything, it is that literally anything can happen in the sports world. Anything. From the Red Sox beating the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS after falling behind 3-0 to the Tampa Bay Rays and Arizona Cardinals playing for a Championship, anything can happen in sports. Well... maybe not ANYTHING. Here are 5 things that just won't happen, and you can't convince me otherwise.

Pacman Jones staying out of trouble

He has been given more chances than he probably deserves, and has managed to screw it up every single time. At every turn, there seems to be another story of Pacman "making it rain".

From the Birmingham Weekly:

• Arrested in 2005 (assault and felony vandalism) following an incident at a nightclub in West Virginia

• Arrested in March 2006 for possession of marijuana

• Arrested in August 2006 at a Tennessee nightclub for disorderly conduct and public drunkenness

• Issued a citation in October 2006 after another nightclub incident in Nashville

• Involved (to what extent is still unknown) in a shooting incident at a Las Vegas nightclub that wounded three (paralyzed one) in February 2007

• Accused of punching a woman in the face at an Atlanta strip club in January 2008

• Was at the time on suspension from the NFL for the 2007 season due to his disturbing off-field conduct

Can Pacman stay out of trouble? Sure... when pigs fly.

A unanimously elected MLB Hall Of Famer

Rickey Henderson was the latest example of a sure-fire, no doubt about it, guaranteed, 100% lock of a Hall of Famer, who still managed to be left off some people's ballots. When a guy like Greg Maddux reaches the ballot, there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that he deserves to be a Hall of Famer, but there will be people who don't vote for him. They will do it for no reason whatsoever, but they WILL do it. You can take that to the bank.

Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Ty Cobb, Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, Jackie Robinson and plenty of other players were Hall of Famers by any and every standard, and were still snubbed by some voters. That's just the way it is, unfortunately.

If it happened with them, the same will happen with Maddux, Mariano Rivera, Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez and others when their time comes. It's not right, but that's just how the voters are.

A playoff win by a Tony Romo-led team

Tony Romo's career is young. That just means that he has more chances for his team to blow it, whether it's at the end of the regular season (like this year), or in their first playoff game, like the two previous seasons.

With Romo and the Cowboys, it's always something. Whether it's those tricky "K" balls, which apparently are extra slick, and lead to game-losing fumbles, or just a good old fashioned December season-ending trip to the woodshed at the hand of the Eagles, the Cowboys are clearly not going to win a playoff game as long as the NFL's "Mr. October" is under center.

All Star Voting done right

Something about All Star games seems to make people lose their minds. Some examples?

In the NHL, fans cheat to get their favorite players voted into the game. Thanks to a bunch of toolbag Montreal fans, Mike "I am garbage" Komisarek is now an All Star starter. Way to go, Habs fans.

In the NFL, Brett "I throw just as many INT's as TD's" Favre made it into the Pro Bowl before Philip Rivers, who led the NFL in QB rating (by nearly 10 points).

Baseball has the same problems. Every year, it's the Red Sox/Yankees vs the NL. In 2008, the Red Sox had 4 of the 8 starters who were voted in by the fans, and the Cubs had 3. Almost half of the entire starting lineup was made up of players from 2 teams (out of 30 total). Insane.

Don't even get me started on the NBA, where all you have to do is come from a country with over a billion people, and you might start the All Star game, no matter how mediocre you are, or no matter how much better Shaquille O'Neal is playing.

The Cubs winning a World Series

While they might receive a ton of All Star votes, and they might even have plenty of deserving players, it is becoming painfully obvious that the Chicago Cubs winning a World Series is simply not meant to be.

Whether it's a goat, Steve Bartman, there's just some reason the Cubs can't win a World Series. They have come close a few times, but still can't close the door.

In 2008, they clearly had a team that was capable of pulling it off. The Cubs were one of the most talented teams in the league, both offensively and on the mound. Once again, however, they failed, and were swept by the Dodgers in 3 games. The combined score of the 3 games was 20-5, as the Cubs were completely outclassed by a Dodgers team that had won 13 less games in the regular season.

Just another day in the life of tortured Cubs fans, who have now gone over 100 years since a World Series win. In only a few more years, we will see an era in which there is not a single Cubs fan in the world who was alive for their last World Series win. Poor Cubs fans, since this one just isn't meant to be.

What are some other sports events that you think might never happen? Shawn Kemp using birth control? John Daly giving up alcohol for good? Let's hear them.