A smattering of reaction from parents' basements across the country  ...

This is everything that tears at my soul about the current state of professional sports. I love to see human beings doing superhuman things. Vlad hits a baseball off his shoelaces 400 feet. Phil Hughes makes a sphere dance like a marionette. Reyes goes from second to third in the time it takes me to stand up and cheer. But when these superhuman feats are bought, packaged, and produced in a lab, it does more than cheapen them. It robs the entire sport of its grace, its mystique. Logic dictates that I must suspect everyone; given what we know, there is no player above suspision. But I want to believe that these supermen are real, that with a little different luck or a different skill set, I could be one of them. I don't know how to continue loving this game. I don't want to stop loving it

Congratulations to Barry Bonds.

And because I was actually there, man, I can tell you the truth. I can give you a first-hand account of what REALLY WENT DOWN. I can tell you what those hacks at ESPN are TOO SCARED to tell you:

There were more cheers than boos.

I've long stated that my favorite part of the Barry Bonds home run chase would be seeing who is the lucky fan to catch 756. And the lucky Powerball winner is being reported by ESPN as 22-year-old Matt Murphy of Queens (Still not sure how much the ball will go for, I suggest checking in with Darren Rovell for that info). Murphy was on his way to Australia when him and his friends decided to go to the game on a whim. Murphy was also seen wearing a Mets jersey when he was escorted away by police.

Wait? A Mets jersey? A Mets fan was the lucky guy who caught the ball? If I'm a Giants fan, I'm fuming right now. You spend a season(s) following the Bonds chase, naively trying to pretend that he never did anything wrong. You watched a terribly uninteresting team all season because of Barry, and a god damn Mets fan walks away with the historic ball. You know what, Giants fans probably deserved this. I really hope that Kool-Aid tasted good for the Giants fans looking to cash in, because karma can be a bitch.

It happened, and we can all move on with our lives now. Barry Bonds has his silly fake record, and now he can go home.

"When asked by ESPN's Erin Andrews what's next for Barry Bonds, he said, "A lot more baseball, hell yes, I'm not quitting."

Aw. Well, christ.