Bobby Valentine tries, fails to get himself ejected on way to ballpark

8/21/12 in MLB   |   GFortier   |   520 respect

Blog Photo - Bobby Valentine tries, fails to get himself ejected on way to ballpark
The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of pure inspiration, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.

The ever-present Boston media is reporting that earlier this afternoon, on his way to Fenway Park where the Red Sox will begin a 3-game series against the better-than-awful Angels, Bobby Valentine made numerous attempts to get himself ejected from the ballgame.

According to eyewitness accounts, the embattled manager willfully launched himself into losing arguments with random figures of authority who he encountered on his daily commute, successfully getting himself thrown out of an elementary classroom, a firehouse, the Boston Globe, and the aquarium where Valentine, dressed in his full uniform, denigrated a sea lion until it no longer wanted to do sea lion things. He would be asked to leave the aquarium but, to his dismay, is still expected to manage the Red Sox tonight.

"I don't think it's fair for the media to draw certain conclusions about this ballclub, to identify scapegoats and to pin the entire season on one thing, one person," said Valentine before the game. "But if it makes everybody feel better, that's fine, you can throw me under the bus. Go ahead, throw me under the bus," he pleaded, lying down in the middle of Landsdowne Street with his fingers crossed. 

Despite his best efforts, it appears that not only will Valentine have to manage the Red Sox tonight, but for the rest of the season. According to a certain anonymouse source close to the team, close to the ground, to the shortstop's left and the first baseman's right, nobody in the clubhouse is particularly happy with the situation.

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8/22/12   |   Pat   |   5233 respect

Bobby V totally sucks at everything.