This weekend's bold prediction is going to roll the dice on the New York Jets' offensive offense, with brazen declaration that this unit will willfully put the ball into the endzone on Sunday night against the Carolina Panthers. Here's what will happen, more or less.
- Mark Sanchez will lead the team to the (pre-season) promised land, not so much because of his talent, but because the Jets plan on starting him 3 entire quarters, the Carolina defense was ranked last in 2011, and he simply can not, will not, let Tebow score the team's first TD.
- If Santonio Holmes makes the TD reception, he will go into flight mode. The young receivers, who are reportedly looking up to Holmes as a leader, will follow suit, putting their arms out as if they are wings and running around the field making airplane noises.
- Braylon Edwards will do a backflip somewhere.
- Despite the touchdown, Wayne Hunter will remain sad.
- Despite being on the sideline, TIm Tebow will remain excited.
- Shonn Greene will not get the goal line carry, vindicating 6 million fantasy players.
- Rex Ryan will break his fast.
- Amidst the jubilant celebration, Tony Sparano will insist the unit still needs a lot of work, and also a right tackle.
- The Jets' defense will continue to take the offense's lunch money. Bart Scott will continue to stuff Jeremy Kerley in a locker, where he will remain until Nick Mangold comes to his rescue.
- As the clock winds down to zero, the scoreboard reading Carolina: something, Jets: 7, Mark Sanchez, overcome with relief that this long ordeal has come to an end, will be found at midfield in a long embrace with his father. The scores of fans still in the stadium will rise in a thunderous ovation, consumed by a profound respect for the opposing quarterback. Joe Namath will shed a tear of joy.