Now that Adam "Pacman" Jones no longer wants to be known as Pacman, and is doing things like praying for Don Imus instead of shooting up strip clubs, we need to turn to a new NFL player who makes it his personal mission to get arrested every time he steps out of his house.

And Brandon Marshall is that man.

Word leaked out yesterday that Marshall had been arrested in March for misdemeanor assault when he touched up his on/off girlfriend Rasheedah Whatley. They've apparently been dating since the 8th grade. Rasheedah, it may be time to move on.

But here's the kicker. This is Marshall's third arrest in under a year. I'm not even sure Pacman managed to do that. Marshall's other two arrests include false imprisonment for not letting a woman leave his house and a DUI. 

If you want to get into Marshall's even more ridiculous offseason shenanigans, he also claimed that he slipped on a McDonald's wrapper at a mall in March and stuck his hand through a TV. He then switched his story to say he was wrestling with his family or something dumb like that. Whatever, however he hurt his arm, he had to get surgery for it.

Marshall also has the necessary college arrest on his record. While at the University of Central Florida, Marshall was arrested in Orlando on charges of assault on a law enforcement officer.

And last, but certainly not least, it's long been believed that slain Broncos player Darrent Williams was killed because Marshall pissed off a group of gangbangers by spraying them with champagne when he was out one night with Williams and Javon Walker.

The NFL is currently looking into Walker's most recent arrest, which means at least a 4-game suspension. When you combine this with Mike Shanahan's recent penchant for getting rid of troublesome players - like Travis Henry (with his litter of kids) and Todd Sauerbrun - Marshall may have to look for work elsewhere soon.

Which means he'll wind up on the Cowboys. And I can't wait. After all, Marshall has yet to be involved in a strip club incident, and Dallas has more strip clubs than Vegas.