"The Brooklyn Nets are hot right now, but I think they have hit their ceiling over on the East coast," said Pollack Carworthy, the ficticious LA mogul/asshole who is leading the charge for their re-relocation. "I think it's about time Los Angeles got a third NBA team," he added, while wearing a very nice suit without a tie.
While some would argue that to have three NBA teams in one city is pure Hollywood gluttony, the feasibility of the Nets in Brooklyn can also be put into question. The team, which has yet to play a game in their new arena, has also yet to win a game in their new arena. Numerous sports statisticians claim that their 0-0 record gives them a .500 winning percentage, which would have put them in the thick of the playoff hunt in the Eastern Conference this year. Rebutting this claim, a team of LA scientologists have produced a collection of maths that claim their 0-0 record yields a .000 winning percentage, which would have put them just out of contention for the 8th seed.
"Frankly speaking, we are in desperate need of one more second team here in LA," said Pollack Carworthy. "Since the Clippers are the new Lakers, and the Lakers are the new superLakers, somebody's got to be the new Clippers. We think thats where the Nets come in."
With the ownership group, led by Carworthy and including, but not limited to, Frank McCourt, Susan Sarandon, Turtle, Charlie Sheen probably, the poking mechanism from Facebook, and the girl robot from Wall-E making a strong push for the franchise, lifelong Brooklyn Net fans are being forced to come to grips with the notion of losing their team.
"It just doesn't make any sense," said one Brooklyn Nets fan, "I just bought all this awesome gear. I bought the fitted, the jersey, I even bought a t-shirt with a picture of the hat on it! How could they be moving?"
"It's just business," stated Jay-Z, the man partially responsible for making the Brooklyn Nets a reality. "While growing up I often dreamed of bringing an NBA team to Brooklyn, but within that dream there was another dream, and that dream was really hazy, but come to think of it, I believe it was about bringing that Brooklyn team to LA. Yeah, that was it."
In other news, Deron Williams has requested a trade from the Los Angeles Nets of Brooklyn to "anybody else, anybody at all."