Bryant with strained ankle, flu, body spasms, twisted neck, and superflu listed as probable

3/18/13 in NBA   |   GFortier   |   520 respect

Blog Photo - Bryant with strained ankle, flu, body spasms, twisted neck, and superflu listed as probable
The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of pure inspiration, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.

After sustaining a bevy of injuries and catching a number of exotic illnesses, from a sprained ankle to the flu, recurring body spasms and a classic case of shingles, Kobe Bryant is listed as day-to-day. According to the star Laker himself, he would have been ready to suit up Sunday night had it not been for a last-minute contraction of the superflu.

"I had the ankle all taped up, was heavily sedated on flu medication, had temporarily hypotized my way out of the body spasms and simply told the shingles to 'f--- off' when I was hit with the superflu. I fell unconscious and woke up  in the tunnel hours after the game, dressed all in purple, vigorously inflating a basketball with a hand pump."

Bryant, usually a very durable player, injured his ankle taking what would have been a heroic jump shot at the buzzer, and sustained the rest of his injuries and illnesses while doing every other thing conceivable for the Lakers' playoff hopes. Regardless, certain people within the Lakers locker room have come out and questioned the all-star's dedication.

"If he can breathe, he can play," said Kobe Bryant, referring to his own "pansy-a--" in third-person. "He's got to be out there for his team because right now, losing is not an option, nor is a complete swap-out of all the cartilage in the human body. I checked." 

The Lakers may also be without Dwight Howard tonight against the Suns, who is sitting due to an undisclosed emotional injury.

Notify me by email about comments that follow mine. Preview