Clearly Mr. 3.4 Yards Per Carry Wasn't Drunk At All When He Was Arrested This Weekend

If you're like me, and have no life and spend your weekends blogging, then you know Bears uber-flameout Cedric Benson was arrested in Texas on Saturday night for boating while intoxicated. Even better is that he was pepper sprayed for being a jackass.

So how is Benson going to save face? By claiming police brutality, of course. Oh, and he's also saying he wasn't drunk.

"There was no resistance on my part," Benson told the Tribune on Sunday night. "Was I drunk? No."

Clearly he wasn't drunk at all. I mean, just look at that mug shot. If there was ever a picture of man who was totally coherent and sober, it's that one right there.

Anyway, to save you the hassle of reading Benson's lies account of what happened, here are some of the best details to emerge. Just so you know, he was on the boat with 12 to 15 other people, one of whom was his mom. No one else was arrested.

So here's what Benson did when he was maced.

"I started screaming for my mother to come. That's when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head."

Screaming for your mom is always something you want to admit. And here's his take on exactly what he said to police as they dragged him to the cop car to be taken to jail.

'Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?'

Yes, I'm sure that's exactly how it went. After all, this was a guy who once was arrested for criminal trespassing after kicking down an apartment door in Austin in the belief that his $15,000 plasma television was inside. He's clearly a man who can control his emotions.