Chad Johnson's Ifs, Ands, or Butts
It looks as if Florida, once known for its hanging chads, is now famous for its banging Chad. New/old Dolphins receiver Chad Johnson was arrested Saturday night for allegedly head-butting his wife during an argument, perhaps taking his new starring role on the HBO series Hard Knocks too literally.
Though domestic violence and spousal abuse is nothing to be taken lightly, the circumstances surounding this case are fairly ridiculous. The former Mr. Ochocinco has been married to his brand-spanking-new bride, Basketball Wives star (?) Evelyn Lozada for only a month. Apparently the couple's argument started when Lozada found a receipt for condoms among their groceries. One can only guess at why this set her off. The easiest assumption would be that she suspects him of cheating, but it could be any number of things. Maybe she's just not a fan of condoms. Perhaps he bought the wrong brand. It could be something as simple as her having a latex allergy or as complicated as her suspecting Chad of being some kind of drug mule. Who knows? What we do know is that there was an argument, an alleged head-butt, and a condom receipt was involved. (Who gets a receipt for condoms anyway? Is it in case they're faulty and you want a refund? I'd hate to be the pharmacist on the receiving end of that return of merchandise, receipt, and proof of failed product.)
In any event, Johnson was released from Broward County jail on Sunday after posting $2500 bond. His wife is said to have a gash on her forehead, but he claims that he was the one on the receiving end of a head-butt from her. The plot thickens. In the meantime, this latest development in the wild and wacky world of Chad Johnson must have the suits at HBO drooling. In fact, it would be no suprise if they were already on the horn to Dolphins management begging them not to cut the veteran receiver. But they aren't the only ones hoping this doesn't spell the end of his career. There have to be more than a few sports writers at New York tabloids that are dying for that first Jets/Dolphins game so they can break out the inevitable "Revis and Butthead" headlines. Stay tuned.