Is sport business? Yes. Does that imply misery for its employees? No.

Athlete upon athlete upon athlete has worked through trade talks and contract negotiations in every league spanning every continent; I’m sure somewhere along the line, the Antarctic Cod offered the Southside Seals a half-ton of penguin skin for cash considerations in a tense winter deadline deal. A-Rod had Rosenhaus play the market and the fan became nauseous. Kobe flip-flopped like a fish out of water, and the fan rolled his eyes. T.O. has done his thing ten times too many, and the fan has shaken his head in disgust.

But each fit of misbehavior has its apex. Historically, when that apex has been reached, the athlete has carried on with his business. A-Rod stayed in New York. Kobe went to the Finals. T.O. found some semblance of comfort in Dallas that may or may not last into the distant future.

Apparently, we’ve entered new territory—a vast chasm of the sporting world which leaves no room for any sentiment of coherent thought or common sense. This new territory has no visible apex. This new territory is called “The Addled Mind of Chad Johnson.”

In a Wednesday interview with ESPN’s Stephen A., “Huit Cinq” (as he is affectionately called by his many fans in France) bestowed upon us his latest concerns with the Cincinnati Bengals: “Things need to be done around here for us to compete with the best… I get tired of hearing that speech every training camp about getting to the Big Dance, but we got to commit first in order to get there.”

I’ll be frank—I don’t know what in the hell he means by that. Sure, he’s expressing his concerns about Cincy’s talent level, and blah, blah, blah. What furrows the brow as it relates to this comment is the blasé manner in which he casts aside the need for “commitment” to the game. He wants to get to March Madness—wait, he must have meant the NFL Playoffs—but he has reservations about busting his tail to make it happen? He wants to have the success of Marvin Harrison, the success of Randy Moss, the success of Terrell Owens, but he doesn’t want to work for it? Is that it? It can’t be. It can’t be, because there’s no way an über-gifted athlete who can do things most men aren’t even capable of fathoming could be so self-absorbed, so pretentious, so unintentionally disrespectful of his craft. Ah, but wait. It is possible. Lest I forget, we’re dealing with The Addled Mind of Chad Johnson.

Nope, I don’t know what it’s like to be a frustrated superstar on a mediocre team perpetually stuck in neutral. But Kevin Garnett does. Kevin Garnett was patient. Kevin Garnett was patient and he waited his turn. Kevin Garnett kept his misgivings on the back channels. He’s been rewarded with the unmitigated respect of his peers for his unwavering leadership. He’s been duly credited for going about his business the right way. He’s won a ring.

It seems as if “Acht Fünf” (as he is affectionately called by his many fans in Germany) is not keen on following such a template of humility. Instead, he has gone the way of the toddler, kicking and screaming in front of every camera. Wait, what’s that Chad? What else did you tell Stephen A. in this interview?

“I’m not emotional.”

Ah, that’s right. You’re as deadpan as Steven Freaking Wright.

Chad Johnson wears his thoughts and emotions on his sleeve for the world to see, but Chad Johnson shouldn’t shut up. Chad Johnson should retire. He’s been to five consecutive Pro Bowls. He’s etched his name in infamy and is close enough to greatness that no one would care if he tallied 5,000 more yards and 50 more touchdowns for his career. He wants to win a Super Bowl, but with his incessantly impetuous behavior, his ego that could likely envelop an entire solar system, and his egregious arrogance, how could anyone pull for him? It’s hard to see how the damage he has done to his reputation isn’t irrevocable. And anyone who would be quick to forgive is stupid, because with professionals like Kevin Garnett, there is no room for children like Chad Johnson.

Chad Johnson should retire, because Chad Johnson is Ralph Nader—he’ll always find something to complain about, he’ll always be a thorn in somebody’s side, and he’ll always lose. And if he should somehow find success henceforth, that success should be marked with an asterisk, because this enigma of a man is beyond understanding and beyond appreciation.

Before Chad Johnson became absorbed in himself, Chad Johnson was deservedly a fan favorite. Something has changed; something, somewhere. He used to be playful. He used to be fun. He used to laugh with his fans at his antics. Now his antics are annoyances and he's in way too deep.

“Ain’t gonna never be another Chad,” said he. God willing.