Wow, Milton.  You were sent home for the season yesterday, and Cubs fans didn't even get to say goodbye.  To be honest, you meant so much to us, I'm not really sure where to begin.  So, how about your signing date.  You talked about turning over a new leaf for a new year.  Specifically, you called the 3 year, 30 million-dollar contract a "blessing."  Ah shucks, it sounds like that deal really meant something to you.  At the dinner with GM, Jim Hendry, you explained why you would be a model citizen in Chicago.  You've always been so misunderstood.  Hendry, because he wanted the team to become more left-handed bought your "song and dance."  Mark DeRosa ended up in Cleveland and fortunately, we got you.  Like I said, your season with us was unforgettable.  

That was just the beginning.  You were by most accounts, the best position player in the Cactus League.  Let's just say you were a Hall-of-Famer during practice games.  Nobody shined during pressure-free baseball like Milton Bradley.  You were a juggernaut of multi-hit games and hustle.  What a signing.  This promised to be really good.  Then the regular season began, and you couldn't buy a hit.  To make matters worse (for you and us), you signed with a team dying for a winner.  Since the Boston Red Sox and rival White Sox broke through to win World Series Championships, an expectation of October success has reached unmatched levels at Wrigley Field.  When we booed you because of poor play you took it personally.  We were out to get you.  We hated you.  You could perform if only we cheered your every move.  So we booed you more, because you were an insufferable head case (I mean a misunderstood man).  In response, you ripped us in the media, left games early with mysterious injuries, and pouted for the camera.  Your next move was meant to intimidate and change the conversation, but instead, it only showed how much you struggle as a human being.

Actually, you probably did "change the conversation" for some around the country.  Baseball fans everywhere were treated to Milton Bradley's claim that Cubs fans were bigots.  I have no doubt that some night, a goon from Chicago or some other place on the map yelled a racial epithet in your direction.  Those people have held our country back for hundreds of years and they deserve everyone's scorn.  That's not what you said, however.  The tone and content of your remarks made it seem like bigotry was a natural behavior for this fan base.  For that choice, Mr. Bradley, you can take the remaining 20 million dollars remaining on your contract and get out.  You and I both know that most of your problems in the world occur because of the way you react to people.  Millions of citizens around the world deserve to have the spotlight shone on racial injustices that break down their very being.  You sir, are not one of those people.  Milton Bradley can feel free to blame Milton Bradley for most of the ill that has come his way.

So I couldn't let you go without wishing you a safe trip anywhere but here.  Maybe you should have listened to your Rangers' teammates, who wondered if the bright lights and pressures of the big city would be too much for you.  I thank you for your 40 RBI in 124 games.  It's hard to be that inept (I mean consistent), but you pulled it off.  In addition, nobody looked for a walk in a big spot when we needed a hit more than you did.  I also hadn't seen an outfielder throw the ball in the stands with less than three outs before either.  You only stole 2 bases, but lots of people feel like you swiped 30 million dollars.  When it came to running out ground balls, you almost never did, but I will say that no Cubs player since Nomar grabbed at aching body parts on camera like you did, Milton.  You need to take it easy.  Your body's falling apart.

Well, take care.  You'll probably be dealt to a 5th place team.  No pressure, right.  Everybody loves Milton Bradley who really knows him.  Thanks for leaving our clubhouse (even if you were forced to).  The moment you shut the door behind you, we were a little bit closer to winning the World Series.  There's no misunderstanding about that.