Dear Punxsutawney Phil,
This winter has been particularly rough on some of my friends in the northern states. They have asked that I contact you in regards to your upcoming forecasting event. Please do not see your shadow so that they may be relieved of the heavy burden of winter. Need I remind you that I am a Cajun, and as such I have no qualms about eating a large rodent, as I have dined on similarly sized cousins of yours in the past. I know where you live, so do the right thing.
Your future demise,