The juiciest detail we get is that it is now standard Olympic Village practice to order 100,000 condoms for the athletes. There is no reference to what said condoms are actually used for, and no mention whatsoever of dental dams, latex gloves, or lube packets.
ESPN writer Sam Alipour delivers a 3,000-word article about sex between Olympic athletes that's sort of like an Anna Nicole Smith marriage to a 90-year-old billionaire -- the sex thing never ends up happening. The article was published as part of ESPN the Magazine's annual Body Issue -- which, to be fair, does contain a whole trove of outstanding spank bank photos.
Sure, the article quotes some extremely sexy athletes -- probably for Google search optimization purposes. Notably do-able American gymnast Alicia Sacramone, for instance, tells ESPN, "The younger girls would try to flirt with stuff like, 'Look at that butt on him!' I'm like, 'Excuse me, did that just come out of your mouth? Don't pay attention to his butt!"
And that is about the steamiest anecdote in the entire article.
You know you what do, Mr. Alipour? You tell the athletes that you will keep their names anonymous. And then you get them to tell you something interesting.
About the closest thing to "something interesting" comes from U.S. Women's Soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo, whom I'd give my left kidney to party with. Ms. Solo intimates that she and her teammates flashed gold medals to get Vince Vaughn and other celebrity non-athletes into Olympic Village at Beijing 2008. She indicates that she "may have" had sex with a certain unnamed celebrity during the proceedings, but no actual sexytime exploits of the all-night rager are revealed.
So what is revealed? "At 7 a.m. with no sleep, (the team) went on the 'Today' show drunk," Ms. Solo told ESPN. "Needless to say, we looked like hell."