Let's do this...
Ravens @ Broncos
The Ravens are hard to like. Ernie was the better of the Sesame Street "couple," so...they don't even have THAT going for them. Plus, Bert was on my fantasy team last year and sucked huevos each time I used him and played his b***s off when I was pissed and sat him. I have a long memory. You are cut off, Bert. The Better Manning in the playoffs has Mouth Breather planning something. Peyton should not allow baby bro/Mouth Breather anwhere near his car or digest any of his good luck "treats". Also, I like orange. It brings out my ethnic coloring. Broncos by 14 and a half.
My hatred for these teams runs cold and deep. I don't think there is any possible way I could care any less about this game. This is a "nap" game. This is the one you only watch long enough to throw back a couple beers...then you kick back in the recliner and dream about the scene in Dark Knight Rises happening for real, only instead of not one single person dying (facepalm...nice job Nolan), every single player on both teams eat it. I guess if I had a gun to my head I would root for Peyton. He deserves a second Super Bowl more than that murderer...er...I mean...Ray Lewis. Final Score: Ravens - Eff You, Broncos - Eff You.
This one is so tough for me. I do actually like the Ravens, and of course they're the only team today that my daughter is excited about. As the mother of a budding sports fan, I like to see my child excited when a team she's rooting for wins. I want Ray Lewis to have a good last run, but I also want Peyton Manning to do well. Even with my love for Peyton though, I've had quite a difficult time putting aside my dislike for the Broncos even though more than a decade has passed since I've been required to hate them. While I'm going back and forth on who I want to win, I'm pretty sure we all know who's going to win. The Broncos defense has been solid for the past couple of years, and Von Miller is having another outstanding season. Their offense now has Peyton Manning. Their defense is good, but unless something absurd happens, the Ravens won't put up enough of a fight offensively to advance to the next round.
Packers @ Niners
No question. I like cheese, sometimes daydream about Thor lifting me and carrying me up and down a hill like he does to those tires he trains with, and hate hate hate hate hate San Francisco. It's a NoCal vs. SoCal thing...although I do like Kaepernick. (Poor Smith...raw deal)...and it seems like he's the one that has finally got Crabtree close to where many thought he should have been after he was drafted. Whatever. Thor and Company by 10.
Are there two quarterbacks that look more like male porn stars than these two guys? Aaron looks more like a late 80's/early 90's stud. Like someone you would see in an early Jenna Jameson movie. Kaepernick reminds me of any generic "dudebro" you might find starring in a Bang Bros. movie. Speaking of getting screwed...Alex Smith...wow. San Francisco deserves to lose just for what they did to that poor kid. I hope Karma comes back and bites their asses. Green Bay - 31, San Fran 14
I don't even want to talk about these teams. I don't know who I want to win. I share Teach's hatred for the Niners, so of course I'm rooting for the Pack to kick their butts. I don't have anything against Kaepernick personally; in fact, I kind of like his tats and he doesn't have that annoying arrogance about him that seems to come with putting on the red and gold. I despise Jim Harbaugh and Randy Moss. I can't really stand Alex Smith; I never really thought he was as good as he was playing over the past year and a half. I was pretty sure he was abducted by aliens and they were testing his arm...or something. I also think he looks like he could be Aaron Rodgers' brother. That's neither here nor there. Trying to look at this game objectively, the Niners don't seem to be as good, even defensively, as they were last year. That could be partially due to the loss of Justin Smith, I don't really know. He's back this week though, so we might get some idea. On the other end, I'm quite tired of hearing about the Packers...I'll just leave it at that. Green Bay will have trouble with the run, but I don't think the Niners can stop Rodgers.
Wow, I think that's the first time I've ever done one of these in which we all agreed on all of the games. Of course, there are only two so there's that. I hope that doesn't mean that today's slate is extremely predictable and boring; you would think that part of the postseason would be over by now.
Do you think we got it right? Let us know your picks and predictions, and Q it up here all day for today's NFL playoff games!