Five Jobs We'd Love to See Richard Sherman Attempt
Dominos Pizza Pitchman. Plain and simple, if the Seahawks beat the Broncos and Sherman plays a major role in shutting down the Denver offense it would be a slam dunk for Dominos to hire him as response to all of those awful commercials Peyton Manning has done for Papa John’s. Look, they’re both God-awful pizzas but we can definitely hear Sherman reading this line: “I’m intelligent enough and capable enough to know that Papa John’s Pizza sucks.” Sticking with commercials…
The New Voice of the Aflac Insurance Duck. Everyone knows that Aflac commercials haven’t been the same since Gilbert Gottfried got fired for making jokes about the earthquake and tsunami that devastated Japan. That duck needs a new voice, a loud voice, a voice that demands attention. That voice belongs to Richard Sherman. “Aflac! Best Insurance in the Insurance Game! Don’t you open your mouth about the best!”
“Accepting-on-Behalf-of…” Academy Award Speaker. Just about every year someone wins an Academy Award and for one reason or another can’t make it to the ceremony, so someone is either sent or selected to accept the Oscar on his or her behalf. How great would it be to see Richard Sherman do this? He would knock it out of the park accepting for any best picture. If Golden Globe winner 12 Years a Slave were to win, I’d give anything for Producer/Director Steve McQueen to let Sherman accept on his behalf. “I just want to make sure that everyone knows what mediocre movies American Hustle, Gravity, The Wolf of Wall Street were. Nebraska? C’mon. Philomena? What the hell is that? When you try 12 Years a Slave with a bunch of mediocre films, that’s what happens!”
Host of Jeopardy. Can’t explain it, just need to see it. Someone needs to take over for Alex Trebek, why not Richard Sherman? The guy graduated from Stanford with a 3.9 GPA fer crissakes! You’re telling me he’s not good enough to host Jeopardy? Trebek’s condescending “I knew the answer even though you didn’t” routine has grown a bit tired. Sherman berating contestants with stuff like “Ain’t you ever seen this show before? Your answer must be phrased in the form of a question! Your sorry game is gonna be out of here before Final Jeopardy!”
President of the United States of America. Can you imagine him getting up in Vladimir Putin’s grill and calling the US the “Legion of Boom?” Holy crap! He’s already got my vote.
OK, that’s all for today. Tune in next time for either “Cooking with Richard Sherman” or “What Would Richard Sherman Do?”