Following Ichiro trade, Yankees lament not picking up any Oakland A's while in town

The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of pure inspiration, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.

When New York traded for Ichiro Suzuki a mere three hours before their game against the Mariners, the Bombers' front office found themselves just as shocked as the rest of the baseball world. After seeing just how easy it was to pluck away one of their opponent's more talented players, the New York Yankees are regretting not taking an Oakland Athletic with them while in town just last week. 

"Damn, that was easy," remarked Brian Cashman as he finalized the paperwork on the deal. "Should have grabbed one of those pesky A's while we were at it," he added, the missed opportunity more apparent than ever.

The Yankees, who not only own the best record in baseball but also the ability to do whatever they want, whenever they please, just because, landed the Japanese superstar in serendipitous fashion when manager Joe Girardi accidentally penciled Ichiro in to his own starting lineup. 

"It was just one of those days when your pencil didn't have an eraser," said Girardi, quite introspectively. "Well actually, it did have an eraser, but it was one of those really cheap ones that was clearly going to smudge the entire line and, given the 'Pride of the Pinstripes,' twenty-seven world championships and all that sh*t, I just wasn't having it."

"Too bad we didn't get us one of those good looking Athletics while we were there," he added.

Having lost four games in a row to the A's, each by just one run, it wasn't until the sweep was complete that the Yankees' front office took notice of how good some of Oakland's young stars would look platooning off their bench. 

"Yoenis Cespedes, Seth Smith, Sean Doolittle, I wouldn't mind having any of those guys on our 40-man [roster] and not in their lineup," noted Cashman as he sorted through a deck of baseball cards searching for the Yankees' next big splash. "Sometimes it doesn't even make sense that teams players play against us," he mused. 

Moving forward, Cashman has stated that he will continue to add depth to the Yankees' depth by drawing from the oppositions' starting lineup, but that he will hold off this weekend with the Red Sox coming to town, preferring instead to trade for quality baseball players.  

Boom, roasted.

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