Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Kansas University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: How do you make Kansas University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: What do Kansas and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q: How do you get a Kansas University grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Lawrence?
A: Columbia: 187 Miles
One foggy night, a Missouri fan and a Kansas fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Columbia. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Kansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Kansas fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Jayhawk fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Jayhawk fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Jayhawk fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Kansas Jayhawks?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear about the Kansas University fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
Q: How many Kansas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
Q: How many Kansas University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Kansas, a Missouri grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"
Seeing this, the Missouri grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Tigers!" and pushed the Jayhawks fan off the side of the mountain.
Q: What do you call a Kansas player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What's the difference between a Kansas fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
One day in an elementary school in Lawrence, KS, a teacher asks her class if the Kansas Jayhawks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Missouri Tigers "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Kansas fan."
My two favorite teams are Missouri and whoever plays Kansas!
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Kansas University weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Kansas University library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Do you know why the Kansas University football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the Kansas University campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Did you hear about the Jayhawk fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat Kansas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
Q. What did the Kansas graduate say to the Missouri graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: What should you do if you find three Kansas University fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Lawrence News Report: Football practice in Lawrence was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mark Mangino, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Kansas joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Kansas grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Kansas grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Kansas grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
Q: Why don't Kansas Jayhawks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Q: Why do Kansas University fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
A Kansas Jayhawks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
Two Kansas University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Kansas fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Kansas fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Kansas fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Kansas fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."
The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."
"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Kansas win a bowl game this year?"
The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."
Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Kansas Jayhawk fan?
A: Telling your parents that you're gay.
It was reported that Kansas head football coach Mark Mangino will only be dressing twenty players for the Missouri game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Kansas University fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in Kansas University's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Kansas University student get on his SAT?
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the Kansas University campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Jayhawks cheerleaders back on board.