From the Armchair: Falcons, Week 11
Ash: Oh hiii. Stop being sad.
Beans: I will be okay, glad you are okay. I worry about you when I see Falcons finals scores.
Ash: Lmao. I swear I’m at peace with this season. (Kat taught me that.)
Ash: I just sigh and go on now…by comparison, they were great this week! I’m excited to see us play the Devils.
Beans: They will beat the S*ints and P****ers at home. Then, I can be one with the universe.
Ash: Right? I get that.
Beans: Ash, it was the Bucs. I saw the score and thought there was something wrong with the ESPN app on my phone.
Ash: Lmao. The Bucs aren’t as bad as they seem on paper. They shouldn’t have sucked as bad as they have, but they had Freeman AND Schiano. Now, they have a baby Matty Ice and Schiano.
Beans: Well, I guess I feel better now. Do you have this calming effect on Joe, too?
Ash: Ha, oh he's much calmer than us about this. He had NO expectations.
Beans: I try to keep them low, couldn't do it this season.
Ash: Yeah. Was no reason to keep them low at first, though. Ooh we were a contenda!
Beans: Yup. We'll be on it when we regroup and heal in 2014. Will you do these with me next season?
Ash: Course, if it's still a thing.
Beans: OK, I will be a hell of a lot more fun when they are 14-2 and win the Super Bowl next year. OMG!
Ash: You're pretty fun now, lol.
Beans: And you know, this ain't nothing but a thing. Will Sid be mean during the game?
Ash: Ha, not to me.
Beans: I, of late, have kept my expectations real low. As much as I knew the Falcons should beat the Bucs, I had a gut feeling it wasn't in the cards. Or anywhere for that matter.
Ash: Hmm. I'm pretty sure we scored 28 pts and won that game. It was quite the victory.
Beans: Well, I had that going on. I was like 'there is no way in hell we lose this'.
Ash: Oh I was like 'there is no way in hell we win this’. And then we played our best game in 4 weeks.
Beans: No, you know how your body has a defense mechanism that protects you, it kinda put me in a pregame 'deer in the headlights' shock.
Beans: It has been a season where I watch these and I think, that didn't hurt... that didn't hurt... that didn't hurt. For a span of three hours. There are lessons we can take from this game.
Beans: 1) Never, ever assume there is enough alcohol around to watch this.
Beans: 2) The Falcons can find the Red Zone in the 4th quarter.
Ash: Right? Thought they had red-zonerrea.
Beans: 3) Antone Smith rushed twice for 88 yards and a TD, give him the ball 47 times a game.
Ash: in 2 plays! Hello there, lil boy!
Beans: Yes. Douglas had 134 yds and a TD and Roddy White is reaching some form of consciousness with 36 yds and a TD.
Ash: Sure, but he's still running a bit slow for me. He may need some PEDs.
Beans: That was point 4.
Beans: 4) There should be a pill dispenser somewhere in close proximity of the Gatorade jug on the sidelines during games. It was good to see Weatherspoon back. We are healing. I am hoping by next March they can all walk a 5k together.
Beans: 5) I was impressed with all the sacks our defense had.
Beans: 5.1) Wait, I was looking at TB's defense.
Ash: You tickle me. LOL
Ash: Uh huh.
Beans: I'm fun at parties! I did see a lot of improvements with the Falcons 4th quarter play. But I was sh**faced by then.
Ash: Ha. I saw improvements. They looked better in the first half too, they are just sh** at finishing drives. It just came together more in the 4th I think.
Beans: So tell me, what do you give the Falcons play Sunday, say on a scale from 1 to 482,398,237?
Beans: I see.
Ash: Jackson made an appearance. I still miss Kroy...it just ain't the same. Idk why they even put anyone in the secondary btw, unless it's the rookies who need to improve. F*** the others though.
Beans: Yes, Jackson is carrying my fantasy football team this year. How f***ed is that? I wish the old DBs would play most. I wouldn't feel so violated in the def passing game.
Ash: Um… when you say old, you mean?
Beans: You know like 26, 27ish.
Ash: LOL. Oh, thought you meant like Deion or Scott Case old.
Beans: 6) If we count the quarters we've won this year, we are 15-24-1. That looks a whole lot better than 2-8.
Ash: You and your bright sides are killing me. You are correct.
Beans: I would have taken Ed Reed.
Ash: Better than f***ing Samuel.
Beans: Yes, point #7….I have 3,628 points here. I want Keith Brooking back. Is his head still attached to his neck?
Ash: LMAO.I don’t think so.
Beans: Seriously, we will be back and I am fine drafting Clowney.
Ash: If they don’t f***ing start with Clowney...or just god***n defense, I will quit them! I swear it on the old gods and the new!
Beans: I think if we draft defense in the first 47 rounds next year, we might be OK.
Beans: Maybe a couple of OLs in the 48th and 49th.
Ash: Maybe 8 offensive linemen?
Beans: Yes. And no trading up. Jones is great, but I don't want to see them do a blankets with small pox for Manhattan kind of trade.
Ash: Word. And wherever Dahl is, he sucks there, because he should still be here. Ugh.
Beans: Yep. Isn't there a lemon law in football?
Ash: Heh, needs to be.
Beans: You could have made 50 gallons of lemonade in the Bucs game.
Ash: Mmmm, then all we needed were just 75 gallons of vodka!
Next: Devils in the Dome on TNF... YAY, Mike Mayock floats mah boat a lil bit!