From the Armchair: Falcons, Week 8
Beans: Hi. How are you?
Ash: I’m good, you?
Beans: Not too bad. I’d say I was licking my wounds, but I can’t reach 'em. Ashlie *dramatic pause* there are no more unicorns, leprechauns, or any of that other stuff. It's all real. Real bad. Falcons have cut me deep. It is now time to spoil.
Ash: Sooo, that was more the Falcons team I expected to see… minus the defense. They were extra ass, I hate them. Today. I did also hate that my QB had a bad game. He was trying too hard. I heart his ugly face and don't like when it's super disappointed.
Beans: Yeah, the defense is really making me nuts.
Ash: You've snapped back into reality, I see. Awww .
Beans: Ha! *Ash: * <---(I really did that)
Beans: I'm riding a unicorn even as I type.
Beans: 9-7, in the playoffs.
Beans: I'm calling it now, Falcons vs Raiders in the Super Bowl.
Ash: LMAO. Love you so. Who do we play next?
Beans: Speaking of leprechauns, you know I can't quit them.
Ash: Course not!
Beans: Carolina, at Carolina. My local pharmacist asked me to go to the game with him. I asked him if he'd mind all the Falcons gear I would be sporting.
Ash: Oh, fun! Ugh Carolina. Stupid, selfish, childish Cam. ew.
Beans: Yes, I loathe the Panthers like lima beans. It's an automatic gag reflex just typing their name. We will beat the **** out of them on our way to the playoffs (omg). The defense will rise to the occasion. Ryan will throw for 312 yds., 3 TDs and Cam will cry like a little b*tch.
Ash: Lmao. So if we are going 9-7 now, we definitely need to hire some more players. Can we do that? Also, those blaming this sh** on my coach are a**holes and i don’t want to talk to them ever.
Beans: Yeah, I saw folks blasting the coach. First of all, **** them and second, **** them some more. I'm still thinking on the hiring more guys thing.
Ash: k. let me know.
Beans: Oh, I checked the injury list on the Falcons website. I'm glad Stoney gave us an updated IR list of names, 'cause the website had all those names misspelled.
Ash: Right? He’s a prince.
Beans: Jackson made it through the game with 11 carries for 6 yds., I look for a lot better game out of him against Carolina. Probably around 15 carries for 17 yds., so we got that going for us. Yeah, Stoney rocks it like his back ain't got no bone.
Ash: Lmao. He’ll get better if he doesn't die.
Beans: Oh yeah, I look for 1200 yds and 9 TDs out of him at the end of the season. But I also look for 4 leaf clovers a lot.
Ash: Hmm, he should probably be looking for the weeds... a la Ricky Williams.
Beans: I believe the Falcons need to pick up….I'm thinking… JJ Watt, Adrian Peterson…
Ash: Ha. YES. Oh my...
Beans: Yeah, Wes Welker, Calvin Johnson, and Richard Sherman... maybe Mario Williams. We go 11-5 afterward.
Ash: Ha, Yup. Was thinking we'd put Sherman to good use. Hell, I’d take a high Von Miller every day of the week.
Beans: We make the playoffs; Jones will heal in time for them.
Beans: Hey, you ever smoke a(n) unicorn horn?
Ash: what? In time for the 2015 playoffs?!
Beans: Just messing.
Beans: He will be back, and when we trade Roddy for Calvin, the offense picks it up.
Ash: Hmmm, I see. Well, I don’t have much else to say about that game, we sucked as expected. We're pretty much done and I expect us to win maybe 3 more...maybe. But I really hope for 6 :/ .
Beans: The defense has to wake the f*** up. Can I say f***?
Beans: 7 more wins. Starting next week.
Ash: Course you can say f***. :D
Next: @ Carolina @ 1pm EST.