Gut Feeling: Who Will Win the AFC Championship Game?

1/17/14 in NFL   |   GFortier   |   520 respect

Blog Photo - Gut Feeling: Who Will Win the AFC Championship Game?
Tom Brady, still searching for somebody to share in a high five with him
Gut Feeling is a completely unsolicited, unfounded, and downright irresponsible breakdown of some of the hot, hot, hot sports debates of the day. The following analysis is intended to stimulate thought, disregard "statistics" and "facts,", and leave the reader more emotionally confused on the subject than they began.
Why the Patriots will win

1. Despite the numerous injuries on the defensive side of the ball, the Patriots are still allowed to field 11 players, which has been the winning recipe in New England.

2. Tom Brady is unaffected by the thin air of Mile High because of his excellent conditioning and the fact that his mother was a succubus.

3. Bill Belichick completed the game plan for this Sunday's AFC championship when he was 12 years old.

4. Due to a clause that has carried over from Wes Welker's contract in New England, 1/3 of his reception yards will count for the Patriots. 

5. The Broncos lost their best cornerback in Chris Harris last week, so expect the Patriots to exploit that weakness to the tune of 98 points including 7 TDs for their least utilized receiver, Matthew Slater.

Why the Broncos will win

1. After watching the tape from New England's 5 TD ground assault last week, the Broncos will come into this weekend armed with the knowledge that they must tackle the Patriots in order to stop them from scoring.

2. Even Tom Brady likes Peyton Manning more than he likes Tom Brady. Now that has to count for something.

3. If John Fox's heart attack earlier this season proved anything it's that he has a heart. We still have no proof that from Bill Belichick.

4. Peyton Manning's best friend, Papa John, will be there for morale support. Tom Brady, on the other hand, doesn't have any friends.

5. John Elway has been preparing the Broncos for this moment for some time now, beginning with when he framed Aaron Hernandez for murder. 

The Verdict

Peyton Manning will have depleted his finite supply of "Omahas" by halftime, allowing Tom Brady to lead the Patriots to a narrow victory on their final drive. Patriots 40 - Broncos 38  

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