Junior Hockey

High School Hockey Is Hilarious, Filled With Sexual Innuendos

2/28/08 in Junior Hockey   |   100%InjuryRate   |   1283 respect


I'll have to be honest. I never found high school to be much fun. If I could erase it from my memory, I would. But there was one redeeming thing about it: It was chock-full of juvenile humor. And this story has that in spades.

It seems that a high school boys hockey team is in serious trouble after sexually hilarious offensive material was printed in the team’s program - and wasn't noticed by jackass concerned adults for two full games. Naturally the parents, and the school, went nuts when they finally figured out what was going on and screamed to the coach about it. By which I mean they fired him immediately, despite the fact that there's no indication that he let it happen.

The magazine-style program contained a picture and short biography of each player, including his future plans, the majority of which were sexually suggestive.
So what did the profiles say? Here we go.

One player's write-up said he “could be coming into your mouth sooner than you think as he seeks a profession in dental hygenics (sic) in the near future.” Well played, except for the spelling error.

Another player enjoys “some meat between his buns” and is "feverishly working on his own secret sauce."

Another’s said he likes hunting and fishing and warns women that he shares his bed with a huge weapon.


Another bio said a team member would "drop his pants for a quick buck." That one is a little less subtle, but I like the effort.

The weirdest one was from a
player who called himself a longtime fan of the Neverland ranch and was never one to "back away" from the boys.

There was also a player
who said he wanted to become a motivational speaker for the hearing impaired. See, now that last one is just offensive. And by "offensive" I mean "totally awesome."

What may be the best part about the story though is that some students didn't even have a problem with the language used in the program.

Those damn sexed-up Canadian youth. Everyone knows they're nothing but trouble. Sexy trouble.
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2/28/08   |   Boski93   |   375 respect

tpowell25 wrote:
Who coaches that team?  Andrew Dice Clay?

Coach Phil McCracken and assistant coach Richard Butt were not pleased.

2/28/08   |   tpowell25   |   1627 respect

Who coaches that team?  Andrew Dice Clay?