Many patients turn to a loved one or close friend to help them through the debilitating effects of cancer pain and treatment. The crucial role they play in helping a cancer patient through their illness cannot be understated.

Jen Singer, 41, of Kinnelon, N.J., relied heavily on her husband Peter when she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

"I don't think I could have made it through without my husband," says Singer. "He was not only fighting with the insurance company, he was just my biggest advocate when it came to everything. He just wanted to make sure that I felt good."

Pam, 45, has cared for her mother, Lois, 67, since she underwent breast cancer surgery in December 1999 and subsequently began chemotherapy and radiation.

"During her treatment she called me every day. She just needed reassurance that somebody cared, and that somebody was going to take care of her. And I was her transportation for every appointment," says Pam. "She still really needs attention; and when it's really bad she needs more."

Pam keeps track of her mother's medications and ongoing treatments for pain.

"Giving her that attention just relaxes her and makes it better," she says.

Be clear about your needs
"Don't be afraid to ask for what you need," says Cathy Bueti, 36, of Brewster, N.Y., who underwent treatment for breast cancer. "The caregiver can feel very lost and not know what to say or how to help you. As a patient, the more that you can really ask for what you need is a good thing."

For Dennis Botts, 55, of Pineville, La., that meant hanging a "No Visitors" sign on the door of his hospital room one day while being treated for esophageal cancer. He woke up later to find that a friend had slipped into the room, taken a pair of pajamas, washed and returned them, without him even knowing she was there. "She could write a book on how to be with somebody without aggravating them," he says.