How To Find Satisfaction By Discovering What Is Missing In Your Relationship
1/13/10 in Locker Room
There is a nice story of two old friends, one who never married. His friend asked one day, why he never found a wife. John said that he did look, but there was always something. One woman just could not cook well, another was too selfish, another was not a good homemaker. On and on he went about all the different problems that he found with each one. “Then one day”, John said, “I found the perfect woman. She was feminine, generous, a great homemaker and cook, simply perfect.” So, Harry asked, “Why didn’t you marry her?” “I asked”, said John, “but she was looking for the perfect man.”
The human being consists of four parts, the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Each part requires the type of food that serves its needs. This is also explained as the greater hunger and the lesser hunger. The lesser hunger is for things of this world, and the greater hunger feeds the spirit.
There are spiritual parts of us that cannot be fulfilled by a human, however the fairy tale stories that we see in movies and read, and some of the new age teachings even imply, that we can find our "soul mate" and be fully fulfilled by one person. That is not possible. You cannot satisfy thirst by eating bread.
This is the key to achieving satisfaction. Realizing that one human could not possibly satisfy your spiritual needs or even all your human needs, then finding a way to fulfill those needs within yourself.
All we can hope for is that one person could satisfy our physical, emotional and intellectual needs. That is a tall order in itself. There will still be the spiritual hunger that needs to be fed, and one person could not do that for another. Where this can be fed in a relationship is for two people to have the same goals or path to that end. Then they can walk side by side sharing the meal that feeds the greater hunger.
If you find yourself perpetually unfulfilled by people, then you may begin to look at your spiritual needs, as well as examining all the other aspects of your being and their needs. You will find that each part has its own needs and cannot be satisfied with a placebo, or food that looks good but has no nutrients. The mind needs its food, the emotions its, and the body its own type of food. If they are not all fed well, then the whole will feel a lack, even so slightly. The problem is that the lack of one aspect is sometimes misinterpreted as a lack of another aspect. Be clear what is lacking and how it can be fed.
The most difficult situation is when a person is so unaware of their level of consciousness that they do not even realize what they are lacking, or that they are being hypnotized by something which distracts them from their true goal.
As you grow, you grow away from some, but you also grow towards others.
This is the path of one born to seek. Anyone who comes to a spiritual teaching did not just awaken to that need one day, that level of consciousness was already there, it was just not noticed. It takes a book, a word, a meeting to awaken what you already have. Now that it is awake, it is up to you to develop it further for the remainder of this life and preparation of the next one. All things already exist, we just do not know it. It just takes time to see these things.
They say the Buddha did not become enlightened during his life, he already was enlightened when he was born, he just had to remember it.
I had made a big mistake long ago. I realized that I was far different than most and wanted to fit in. So I stopped learning for a period of time to try to fit in. This only caused more pain. I could never revert and I was not progressing. Do not make the same mistake, for long. I know that most of us will try that path of avoiding our true nature, but when you do, quickly realize that it is pointless, you cannot change what you have been born to be.
Do not fear or be frustrated by the difficulties in life and in relationships. The problem is that you are in limbo, in the Pardos, the in-between stages. This is what Tibetan Buddhism says happens after we die until we are reborn in the next life. And it is what happens when we are alive and not living our destined path. We are in between being and becoming. This means that we are not who we are destined to be, and we are not who we are trying to be. We are being who we are now while becoming who we can be. We are not there yet, but every moment, since we are progressing, we are never here either. So we are nowhere, we are always moving towards something, we are not settled in one state of being. Understanding this should make confused feelings a bit less confusing. Accepting this will eliminate much pain caused by trying to figure out what cannot be solved or logically explained.
Despite how much we want to be settled, we cannot be because the natural state of life is movement, the natural state of a soul is evolvement, which means that staying in one place, emotionally, mentally or spiritually is not possible if you are alive.
When you find your path, accept your life and who you are, whatever that may be, then you will find that things go much smoother. You may still find it hard to have a mate that fully satisfies you, but you will not feel as hopeless. Afterall, for those of us still looking, we do not get the first one right all the time. And Afterall that, we have much to learn so we can become good enough for our perfect match.
Consider each past relationship as your elementary school, then high school, and so on. The catch is that you do not know when you will graduate, you don't even know how many more years are left or where you are in your training. The only sign you get is when you graduate and you get the best hug of your life.