This, here, is a 10-step, 3-year plan to get the New York Jets back on track. It requires patience, prudence, a friend inside the U.S. space program and a little bit of luck.
1. Enlist Mark Sanchez in NASA's human test subject program, under the condition that NASA subsidizes the remaining years on his contract. Allow Mark Sanchez to be launched into orbit, where he will age slower and mature faster.
2. Reverse Rex Ryans lap-band surgery. Give Fat Rex 2-year contract extension.
3. Replace GM Mike Tannenbaum with real Jewish guy.
4. Draft OLB Barkevius Mingo in first round, mostly for his talent, more so for his name.
5. Re-allott all time spent saying the phrase "ground and pound" to scouting talented running backs in upcoming draft class. Draft accordingly.
6. Get Karma back on Jets' side by sending Tim Tebow away on an all-expense paid trip to Disney Land. Pray to never see him again.
7. Draft a quarterback in 2013. Have Fat Rex proclaim that playing QB is a privilege which nobody on this team has earned. Sit every Jets quarterback for entirety of 2013 season.
8. Re-sign Darrelle Revis, pairing him with Cromartie and giving Jets best CB tandem in football. Allow Muhammed Wilkerson and Quinton Coples to continue to develop. Make Barkevius Mingo defensive captain on account of his name. Continue to lose games by scores such as 10-6, 7-3, an 3-2. Watch as defense grows into angry green giant.
9. Replace Tony Sparano with system where Jet fans get to vote via text which play will be run next.
10. In year 2015, greet a space-grizzled Mark Sanchez with open arms as he returns from orbit. Throw him into an open QB competition with the aforementioned rookie. If he fails, then trade him to Arizona.