Well, that was fast.

In a move that may get me boycotting the Olympic Games for the rest of my life, the International Olympic Committee has officially closed its investigation on He Kexin, the Chinese Olympic gymnast who is in no way shape or form 16 years old - as was proved by a Google hacker who unearthed online documents from the General Administration of Sport of China that show she's actually 14.

So what did the IOC rule after a stunningly awesome 12-hour investigation?

That there was no cheating that happened. Of course.

Am I stunned by this decision? No. Primarily because the IOC is the most gutless sports organization in the world and is more concerned about covering its own butt and appeasing a host country that it stupidly approved of rather than actually doing the things it should be doing, like enforcing rules.

But 12 hours? You've got to be kidding me. Did you even look at the evidence?

Anyway, the Chinese gymnastics coach said the governing body of gymnastics was given additional documents Thursday night to try to dispel lingering questions. Those documents included He’s current and former passport, ID card and family residence permit. The documents all say she was born in 1992, which would have made her eligible to compete.

And because the IOC deems a passport to be the be all and end all of everything, case closed.

Which makes total sense of course, I mean no one would ever forge a passport, right? No, of course not. Great system IOC. Totally foolproof.

But here's my favorite line from the Chinese gym coach.


No they shouldn't. They should be mocked incessantly for clearly cheating at every opportunity. And as long as I have a computer in my hands, I'll continue to do that.

Frankly, this for me is the last straw. The entire 2008 Olympics, especially the women's gymnastics competition, have been a complete and utter joke. Besides, when the committee responsible for maintaining the ingerity of the Olympics - that would be the IOC - doesn't give two [censored] about integrity in the first place, what the hell's the point? Just let anyone compete, regardless of whether they're on steroids, are too young, or have a rocket pack on their back.

Hey, as long as their passport looks legit, everything's cool, right?