In Amendola, Brady confident he can fill classic white stereotype

3/14/13 in NFL   |   GFortier   |   520 respect

 
Blog Photo - In Amendola, Brady confident he can fill classic white stereotype
Brady and Welker, wondering what in the hell all the black Patriots were thinking.
 
The following article, despite being based loosely on non-fiction and bearing a polar resemblance to fact, is truer than you will ever know. Quotes made in this article are conjured out of thin air, while the opinions expressed here are derived from what is both authentic and just.

Mere hours following the departure of Tom Brady's favorite receiver, Wes Welker, the Patriots filled the vacancy with another typical slot receiver, Danny "The Great White Target" Amendola. 

"As long as Danny adheres to the script, runs a good, quick drag route and flashes those dependable hands I'm assuming he has, I won't even know Wes is gone," said Brady in a statement issued from the other side of his moat, delivered across a drawbridge by a young servant boy dressed in Jets-themed motley.

Danny Amendola, the undrafted receiver who has spent time with three different teams before finding himself in a Patriots uniform, has all the proper caucasian credentials to be Brady's new go-to guy. Described as being a dependable hard-worker who puts the good of the team ahead of himself, one can look for big things out of the Brady-Amendola connection this coming season. That is, of course, unless Amendola sustains another injury common within his demographic.

"Sure, I've had my fair share of white-guy injuries in my day," Amendola conceded. "Surgery on my tricep, a concussion here or there, and a run-of-the-mill broken clavicle that came just millimeters away from murdering me right there on the turf, and then some more concussions-- it comes with the territory," he insisted. "And if it comes down to it, if I am just one more Austin-Collie-style head injury from ending my budding career, possibly my life, I'll rest in peace knowing that I did it securing a 6 yard pass on 2nd and long. This is why we play the game."

"I get the sense that Danny understands what his role will be," Tom Brady's eloquently hand-written statement continued. "Just as Wes understood what was expected of him, and even Randy [Moss] before him. I could always count on Randy to run the blackest route possible."

"I'm sure Danny and I will be a match made in White Heaven."

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