"I believe it is in the best interest of me to regress back to the days when this team cost very little money, demanded almost zero attention, and attracted no more than 6,000 fans into the stadium at a time so that I may have a little bit of peace and quiet," grumbled Marlins' owner Jeffrey Loria.
"I, me, me, Jeffrey, myself and me," he concluded thoughtfully.
The proposed move comes one day after Loria traded away a wealth of talent for the sake of cutting payroll, not winning games, be it in the coming season or the forseeable future. The fans are angry, and the writers aren't holding back either.
"I don't understand it," admitted Giancarlo Stanton, the lone-remaining talented player on the roster, spared only because he is still on his rookie contract. "How does one move from Miami to Florida?"
The move, controversial not just in that it sets the team back even further on the heels on their fire sale, but that relocating from Miami to Florida makes no sense geographically, is an affront to all that is decent, much like the Marlins' home run contraption, which Loria has just sold to the a local TGI Fridays for $2000.