Jamie Moyer has done his absolute best to 180 from this inevitable outcome, but, like it or not, this story is over. Regardless of what the analysts try to predict or what teams may be out there, in need of pitchers or in need of attendance, Moyer is not the guy. Armed with a fastball that equals the top speed of a Ford Escort and breaking pitches that take forever to actually "break" Moyer's scenery change would just delay what is already in plain sight, the end.
Still, with all that put in writing, there for the understanding and repeat, Jamie Moyer will wind up, on and for, another team. With each dismal start he will rack up more obscure records that will end up on a revival of "Stump The Schwab," on ESPN. Perhaps someone will hit a home-run off Moyer without even using a bat the next time. When you are chucking at 77 m.p.h anything is possible - for the hitter.
The Angels, Phillies, Mariners and even San Diego may be the first to put an Ensure dispenser in their clubhouse. With "aces down" in Anaheim and Philadelphia, the idea of bringing Moyer to the mixer may provide some sort of adult wisdom that ball clubs have fooled themselves into thinking actually helps. Garrett Richards is young and unreliable to this point for the Angels, and every Ebbie Calvin type needs their Crash Davis to show them how to put the garter belt on correctly. This, and the west-cost residence of Moyer, may put the Angels closer to "thinking about it" than you might think.
San Diego and Seattle would be simply honorarium's, not serious positions that will require a long-toss program, immediately. Moyer lives in the San Diego area, and as we have seen before, the Padres do not have a problem signing old pitchers (See Trevor Hoffman) for sentimental reasons. Besides, even though it is June, San Diego needs a draw - Anchorman 2 filming has fans preoccupied, and the team is no bueno.
Seattle would be the same sentimental-living-statue of what once was. The Mariners can use some baseball knowledge in their rotation and clubhouse, but if it comes with the home-runs, too, it is better to pass. - They call bad pitching mistakes in Seattle "Bedard's."
At the end of this circus, when the elephants are out of breath and the kids want their grandparents to take them home, Jamie Moyer should not try to be different from the rest. It was an amazing career, and definitely one of perseverance. Hanging up the cleats would be honorable, not shameful. Give the wing a rest and begin the next chapters of the story - Foundations, on-camera talent, whatever you wish.
Besides, Susan Sarandon got old, anyhow!!