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I think Bill Simmons once wrote that he thought the stupidest athletes out there were in baseball. And you know what, I think he's right.That's because today, in New York, Jason Giambi for some reason let reporters know that he wears a gold lamé, tiger-stripe thong under his uniform when he wants to break out of a slump.
See, no intelligent person would ever admit that, EVER. And it's all over the press in New York. Condé Nast Portfolio Magazine, of all publications, wrote the original story.
"I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," he confides.Man, that has to be one diseased riddled thong. I'm sure if you get within 10-feet of that thing you'll get an STD.
Over Giambi's checkered career in the Bronx, he has left the "golden thong" in the lockers of slumping teammates Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura, and Robinson Cano. "All of them wore it and got hits," he reports. "The thong works every time."
Obviously the joke sitting out there is that this thong must be getting a lot of wear in the Yankees clubhouse. I sure hope not, and their hitting suggests it isn't making the rounds.
By the way, Mark Grace once said on Jim Rome's show that the way to get out of a slump was to find an ugly (and preferably fat) woman, sleep with her, toss her aside and, voilà, the slump is over.
So I have to choose between a thong and an ugly woman? You know what, if I were a major league player I think I'd just keep hitting ground balls to second.
[HT: Deadspin]
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