Predictions From The Couch 2 - Still Seeing the Future
1.) 65% of the people won't even see a horse. - Oh the sport of kings. It's derby day in Kentucky, ya'll. A day of elegance; women in big hats, men in their summer suits and mint juleps sipped from silver tins. So elegant. That is, if you aren't on the infield, the drunk uncle of the derby that Kentucky and NBC won't allow you to see. While the old ladies use those big, silly hats to hide how hammered they are in the snob seats, the infielders, a mix of college- aged kids and older folk looking for a cheap bucket-list idea, are cracking beers and taking shots before the sun even comes up. No need to worry about the rooster crowing, he is hammered too. Those mint juleps aren't made of H2O and jolly ranchers, that's whiskey, good sir. That is why the age demographic at the derby has dropped in recent years. It is like a sorority scavenger hunt world series. The treasure, more alcohol. They will not see, nor will the care to see, any part of the race. All they will hear is a man playing a trumpet, followed by their friend yelling, "Shelly, hold Erica's hair back so she doesn't get it on her bangs." And the winner is... who knows. Ask the lady in the hat. Probably Santa's Weasel, or something.
2.) Miguel Cotto will win...at least, later - This is a daunting task for Cotto, to say it lightly. Mayweather is at his heaviest, and after recent criticisms, will be looking to knock Cotto's tattoo ink into the rafters of the MGM Grand. But, there is one major obvious to this equation people and experts keep overlooking. Besides Cotto's quick hands and stoic demeanor that highlight his solid career, he holds one aspect Mayweather will not have. State-of-mind. The mental de-stability rolling around in Mayweather's brain canister right now, and surely tonight, will keep Cotto smiling during the fight, regardless if he has his teeth or not. it is a simple idea. Even if Miguel Cotto loses the bout, he will win. He will get his 8 million and do the interviews, accordingly. He will go back to his home, just like Mayweather. There will be X-Box, maybe a meal, and an igloo's-worth of ice. Not until 27 days after the fight will Cotto get the spoils of his victory I am predicting. It will happen that night when he is in a deep slumber in the confines of his cozy bed, not worrying about rolling over to see a guy named "Ironclads" snoring and drooling next to him. TKO or not, the same won't be true for Mr. Mayweather. Sing him a lullaby, Michael Buffer. Prison is no bueno. (no good)
3.) Yu is going to be around for awhile. - Many experts attempted getting all baseball fans to drink the Yu Darvish punch before we even knew it was 50 million to import. The World Baseball Classic showcased the talented righty, but like the WBC itself, it went generally unnoticed. The blame was not to Yu or anyone else. After prior overseas acquisitions like Dice-K, Chan Ho and others making little to minor impacts in the MLB, the idea of a dominant Japanese pitcher, and the cash surrounding a deal, dwindled. So, when the Rangers decided to sell the ranch just to get Yu on the phone, complete wonderment, even in Texas - where mistakes do not happen- spread over the MLB landscape like "flies on a rib roast." (See National Lampoons Vacation for ref.) Historically, the Japanese League and the MLB are not equals - Tom Selek and the guy that sells insurance even made it look easy. A major league hitter, is a major league hitter. There was no way this guy was worth the bounty, or the 5.5 a year that came after. You would think. However, after watching Yu's first couple of starts, amazing is the only thing that comes to mind. The effortless power is one thing, the effortless control is the cake taker. At 6'5, he does not have to rely on some herky-jerky motion that takes 7 minutes to get to the plate, like we have grown accustomed to with other Japanese pitchers. He just lifts and deals, like a renegade dog. Just ask the Yankees who recently played the role of Yu's fire hydrant. What's that yellow stain on your uniform, Derek? Hmmmm!
B-I-N-G-O was his name-O