The Jaguars may win just one game all season,
so here it is in all it's glory.
Washington 27 Minnesota 34
What will happen first, RG3, who looks like a rag doll every time he takes a hit, breaks in half, or Mike Shanahan, who looks like a lobster, explodes? That was a trick question -- they will happen simultaneously.
Seattle 33 Atlanta 10
The Seahawks are the best team in the NFC and the Falcons are the most disappointing. This played out accordingly. How bad would they be had Tony Gonzalez actually retired?
Cincinnati 17 Baltimore 20
The only thing worse than losing a game to a rival is wasting the gift that was the tipped hail mary. Just watch -- the 4-5 Ravens are probably going to win the AFC North now.
Detroit 21 Chicago 19
In a battle to decide who would capitalize on the Aaron Rodgers injury, the Lions emerged a legitimate contender in the NFC. Meanwhile, injuries are unravelling the Bears. Chicago should have put more into their offensive line 3 years ago.
Philadelphia 27 Green Bay 13
Nick Foles! Riley Cooper! The Eagles' defense! The lead Somali pirate from Captain Phillips! Thus concludes my list of unlikely heroes.
St. Louis 38 Indianapolis 8
WTF just happened? I'll tell you what just happened -- Las Vegas can now afford 700 more jacuzzi's, an indoor rollercoaster and for all their tables to be re-felted with the lushest of green felt.
Oakland 20 NY Giants 24
Giants fans fall into 2 camps: the one that now truly believes this team will rise out of the dumpster fire that is the NFC East as champions, and the one that knows they're just hurting their draft stock. Either way, I'm entertained.
Buffalo 10 Pittsburgh 23
If only Thad Lewis was healthy.
Jacksonville 29 Tennessee 27
Check that -- 1600 new jacuzzi's, 2 indoor rollercoasters, and everybody who stays at Caesar's Palace receives a free endangered species. Congratulations to the Jaguars for avoiding the 0-16 season. Don't go crazy now though, Teddy Bridgewater's still the endgame in Jacksonville.
Carolina 10 San Francisco 9
In the battle of who could score a touchdown, the Panthers came out victorious by scoring a touchdown. This will be touted as a "statement game" for the Panthers all week, aka "a win against a good team."
Houston 24 Arizona 27
Houston is the AFC version of Atlanta this season. Let us heap all of our childhood disappointments and emotional letdowns on these two teams. Meanwhile, Arizona is firmly in the wild card hunt, and a force to be reckoned with at home.
Denver 28 San Diego 20
Denver's still looking great, but peaking in September-October and having your 37-year-old QB on his last leg in November isn't always the best Super Bowl-winning formula.
Dallas 17 New Orleans 49
It's night and day in the dome and away for New Orleans. For Dallas, it's mostly night -- long, dark melancholy night.
Tampa Bay ?? Miami Dolphins ?!?!
Anybody else feel that Florida has way too many NFL teams? Should be a strange one on Monday Night!