Just about the only passion and drive we've seen during Lakers listless 15-16 season has been Kobe Bryant's attempts to invigorate his surrounding cast. In early December he told Pau Gasol to "put his big boy pants on." This past week Kobe followed that up by calling the whole Lakers team "old" and "slow." Still unable to change the Lakers' fortunes, the Black Mamba is now pointing the finger straight up-- at God himself.
"I'm averaging over 30 points a game, playing the best basketball of my life, and inspiring those around me," began Bryant as he scaled a mountain in hopes of exchanging some words with the Big Man. "At this point there's nobody to blame but God" he spat.
It seems only fair that God, who is often credited with the good fortune in the world of sports, be held accountable when things don't go as planned. He's thanked by countless athletes, from Superbowl MVPs to the entire Mexican Little League World Series team, but right now He's got Kobe on his case.
"The problem is that some of my weaker teammates are looking to God for inspiration, and he's just looking back down at me for inspiration. Dog, I'm the league's leading scorer, what else do you want from me?" said Bryant as he neared the summit of the mountain.
Along with accusing The Almighty Creator of lacking inspiration, Kobe went on to call God "outdated," "irrelevant," and "a little pansy who can't drive left." Although God has yet to respond publicly, fellow Big Man Shaquille O'Neal said He has reached out to him for advice.