Los Angeles Lakers, Reading Between the Lines
What he meant: You don’t take out a franchise player who makes millions of dollars late in a game because he’ll start to sulk and become an even bigger baby then he is now, and if he makes even half his free throws we’ll just consider that a plus. He’s not the only reason we can’t stop anyone on defense, we have lots of guys not playing good defense. I mean it’s not like he’s won awards for being the best defensive player in league before. Oh yeah, he did, right. Well he’s gonna keep putting on his jersey and not hustling up and down the court, which is about as much work as I’ve seen him do so far. Does playing NBA 2K on Xbox count as working at his game?
Current Franchise Player and Possible Best Laker Ever Kobe Bryant -
What he said: On hiring Mike D’Antoni, “He’s an offensive genius. I’m excited.”
What he meant: I like to shoot, like a lot. I love to score, then do awesome Kobe things like scowl and stalk down the court after I’ve scored. I love to jack up threes four seconds into the shot clock. This is going to be sweet.
What he said: On Pau Gasol’s struggles, “Put your big-boy pants on. Just adjust. Just adjust. You can’t whine about it. You can’t complain about it.”
What he meant: I want to win. Bad. I always want to win. It doesn’t matter what it is, if I don’t win things go bad. Just trust me. They do. So find a way to make this work. So find a way to make this work. I’m just going to keep saying the same things over and over again until I win. And don’t cry for help, trust me, just don’t.
What he said: On Phil Jackson versus Mike D’Antoni as his coach, “I’ve been through tough situations before in the past, and I’d always blow my top and go crazy. Then I had a head coach who always kept calm and focused on the Xs and Os of things, and I learned from that. I’m trying to do the same here, but I won’t lie, man (long, bleeped, probably expletive laden outburst) They’re really trying my patience with that Zen thing.”
What he meant: I’m a borderline crazy person. If I didn’t have a competitive sport to focus my manic energies on I would be doing things that they make scary documentaries about. Then, a man came into my life who might possibly be a wizard, and he calmed me down. I’m trying to do that now, but you know, I’m crazy. This isn’t going to end well.