Headlines From The Cutting Room
From the janitor's broom to your computer, here are the headlines left on the cutting room floor.
1.) "Pirates jubilant, after near no-hitter, not to be in the American League." - Courtesy of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. It's raining in Pittsburgh today because somewhere in "baseball stadium heaven," Forbes Field and Three Rivers are having a real sorority girl cry over the efforts of the Pirates. It will be two decades of losing seasons for the buco's if they fall short of 81 wins this year. Hampered by bad decisions in the front office and a bake-sale revenue for their payroll, the Pirates have consistently been the worst show in town, on the best stage (see PNC Park). But, they do have one blessing-in-disguise -They are not in the American League! The Pirates are 81-131 in interleague play, and while that is no major difference to their National League efforts, incidents like yesterdays near no-no has to make them happy this is a side attraction and not the N.L. Central. Who knows, it may have been a 30-year-drought if they were in the American League - I am not sure John Cangelosi could have carried them through that schedule. Even Jim Leyland probably whimpered under his smoke-filled breath yesterday, "Man, I'm glad I didn't have to play Verlander back in 90!" Word up, Jim...Word up!
2.) "Kerry Wood takes a day off from the DL to retire." Courtesy of the Chicago Tribune. Any baseball fan alive in 1998 would be able to recite the fifth start of Kerry Wood. It was Nolan Ryan reincarnated -100 m.p.h fastball, complimented with a sweeping curve that started behind the right-handed batters back and finished behind the heels of left-handed hitters. Wood was untouchable, then he got injured. Until yesterday, many fans probably didn't know he was still in the game. It is a difficult task to put Wood's career in perspective. The 20-strikeout game will always appear in baseball discussions, but the constant injuries will too. Mechanically sound, he was not. Many pitching coaches would show tape of Kerry Wood as a "what not to do" with your front-glove-side as a pitcher. However, it can't always be the fault of non-text book mechanics. On that same tape would be a clip of Mark Prior as a "what to do" motion for pitchers. Flawless mechanics, but just as much injury time as Wood. So where does Wood rank in history? It will forever be a confusing debate, much like his run in the MLB.But, a beer for you, Kerry, you picked up the 3rd strike that Kenny Powers could not.
3.) "Kansas City P.R Department struggling to find reasons to hate Arizona." Courtesy of the Kansas City Star. The greatest enjoyment of interleague play is the ability to have demographic rivalries that reside in different leagues; Houston vs. Texas, Angeles vs. Padres, Oakland vs. San Fran, Chicago vs. Chicago and Kansas City vs. Arizona. Hold the phone!! What was that last one!? Kansas City vs. Arizona! Who drew this game up, Cousin Eddie and Cousin Normie? Ellen said Normie was always a little "flighty," but this is ridiculous (See Vacation). Experts have scoured the books to find any reason at all why this game would be an attraction. Did Kirk steal the Kansas City BBQ recipe and call it his own in Tempe? Is it going to be, "Welcome back to your home state Brad Ziegler night"? Who is Brad Ziegler? Is any one listening to me? Apparently no person in the MLB office was listening to Bud when he told this at the Christmas Mixer last year. " Wait, I got a better one, wait listen, shhhh!" "Let's put Kansas City against Arizona next season and see if anyone will notice." "Hee-Hee!" Oh Bud, you practical jokester. What will you think of next?
Out of time and out of ink. My broom is clean.