Check Out That Bottom!

The murky waters of the major leagues, especially this close to the All-Star break, become extremely difficult to navigate the deeper a team sinks. The bottom is no place to be once summer ball rolls into full swing. The excuses are over: slumps are no longer slumps, they are poor bat speed; loss of velocity is probably injury or dead arm, not the weather; the assignments designated now are for the entire summer session, not just a semester. The spring is finished, and, unless you have a major idea for the July 31st trade deadline - like a carp that can swing for power and average - your bottom-dwelling team may be stuck cleaning the algae with the rest of the sucker-fishes until next February, when the water clears. 

Fan's of these three teams should purchase fishing poles and some dough-balls, or get ready for the NFL season.

1. Chicago Cubs - Theo Epstein informed us this remake of the Cubs would take time. A work-in-progress. One small problem, no one was really listening to him, especially in Wrigleyville. It's been since 1908, Theo! There are people out there with an original Ernie Banks glove, a foamy finger and two 1908 pennants strapped to the spokes of the wheelchair, anxiously smoking a pack of the unfiltered's, swallowing an entire deep-dish with sausage and washing it down with a Budweiser, the whole time complaining, " If I have to wait another 104 years, I am going to be really fussy." "Darn kids and their Beane-Ball-Nomics, or whatever!" Pappy is upset, Theo, you better get it together, and soon! Garza isn't the sweet answer to a guy like Zambrano and Dempster can not carry a staff when the run support is nearing zero-per-game. This season is a wash. The Cubs are a last place team in a division that is not very powerful. The best thing to do is trade Soriano, dump Soto and start from scratch. Buy the old man another pizza and tell him, sorry, but can you hang out until 105, or 106? The Cubs organization didn't think starting over meant beginning from last place.


2. San Diego Padres - A lot of fans forget about the Padres, and the truth is, they should. The So-Cal squad is quickly becoming the Pirates of the west - a terrible team that plays in an amazing ballpark. The N.L. west has not been as strong in years past and the Padres have taken advantage of that by being just bad enough,to be in the hunt. This year the camouflage has been lifted, they are awful, and the entire league knows it. The line-up is a dismal display of the who's-who and the who-in-the-hell? Old-timers wash up on the sandy beaches of baseball twilight and the Padres take them in, cut off the plastic six-pack holder from their beaks, and attempt to reinstate them as professional players. Mark Kotsay, Jason Marquis and Jason Bartlett are among a few of the triple-A level talent, at this point of their careers, squandering in the sunshine of Petco Park. The team is need of a complete overhaul, including the front office. Tony Gwynn, Greg Maddux, Trevor Hoffman or even Benito Santiago - juice free apparently - would make for a spectacular list of candidates to do this task. It is too early in the summer for this many San Diego'ins? San Diego'uns? to be buying up the powder-blues and following Phillip Rivers tweets.


3. Minnesota Twins - I am still waiting for Jason Robards grandson in the in the movie to actually take over the team - It can't get any worse - Let Poindexter play first base and Jonathan Silverman chuck a few pitches. They may be a spark to a team that currently has no fuse. Joe Mauer is back to hitting like Joe Mauer, regardless where he is playing and Morneau is getting back on stride, hitting somewhat like the old, pre-concussion version. There is little reason for the Twins to be this bad. But, they are. The worse hire in Minnesota is a Ron Garden-hire. A catchy phrase that a team with a nice, new stadium doesn't want to hear. However, there are not enough ear plugs to cover it. Perhaps it is time o get rid of Ron and take a chance on new leadership.  Liriano wasn't even the 6th coming of Santana and Pavano is the Carl-of-Old. For the past several years it was hard to give up on the Twins because they would always get hot in the end of summer. But, that was when they had a roof covering their domes, now, it looks like they will just get colder, and colder. They need to do something, it's not even August and people are already talking about Gopher Football. (See Little Big League...I guess.)

Gone Fishin"


This_is_Rick