10 Reasons Why I'm Not Looking Forward to Baseball
1. John Sterling. I live in New York where there’s no shortage of things that will drive you bonkers on a daily basis, but I can’t think of any bigger annoyance than the sound of New York Yankees radio play-by-play announcer John Sterling. For an organization that prides itself on being the best, it astounds me that the Yankees have stuck with Sterling so long. From botched play calling to sickening signature home run calls “The Grandyman Can!”; “Another A-Bomb from A-Rod!” to perennially awful sign-off “Theee Yankees Win… Theeee-eeee Ya-aaankees win!” the guy is simply the worst.
2. Bud Selig. We find ourselves in a Renaissance period for awful sports commissioners. Guys like Roger Goodell and, especially, Gary Bettman are so awful that it’s easy to forget just what an inept old coot Bud Selig is. What’s worse is the guy makes something like $22 million annually. Wow. Only in America.
3. God Bless America during the Seventh Inning Stretch. I’m not sure how many ballparks still do this, but singing “God Bless America” during the Seventh Inning Stretch is a “tradition” that started in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, which was understandable. But the time has come to let it go. I think we got the whole patriotic thing covered with the National Anthem at the start of the game. The seventh inning is for “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” only.
4. The New York Mets starting outfield. Lucas Duda, Kirk Nieuwenhuis, Marlon Byrd, Collin Cowgill, Mike Baxter, Andrew Brown… these are among the household names that will be patrolling the outfield for the Mets this year. I’m not so sure any of these guys could have cracked the starting lineup of the 1962 Mets. Nuff said.
5. Four-hour games. Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Marathon baseball games, especially in the American League, are a tad too prevalent. The worst offenders have always been those Yankees/Red Sox tilts in which an average game has the approximate running time of a TV mini-series.
6. Outrageous concession prices. Every time I plunk down 9 bucks for a beer at the ballpark I feel a certain sense of shame. But slaking your thirst with a cold beer at a ballgame is one of life’s great pleasures. Equally outrageous are six-dollar sodas, five bucks for water, and buying a single hot dog for the same amount it would cost you to buy an entire package in the supermarket. Stop the madness!
7. Drunk fans. Sticking on the subject of alcohol consumption, it seems like boozing among sports fans has reached epic proportions. I believe at least some of the blame has to be placed on the aforementioned outrageous stadium beer prices which send alcoholic baseball fans into pre-game mode, drinking their faces off in bars and parking lots prior to the game. It’s not fun being around these louts at games and even less fun if you have your kids with you.
8. The Yankees potentially stinking. Yesterday I mentioned this as one of the things I was looking forward to, as my dislike for the Bombers is well-documented. But, truth be told, it’s no fun for haters when the Yankees are out of the mix. Everyone needs a bad guy, and the Yankees are it.
9. Scott Boras. Owners and agents deserve each other, but no one deserves Scott Boras.
10. The Seattle Mariners offense. Please score more than one run a game this year guys, I’m begging you.
That about covers it. Enjoy the season everyone!