Honestly, I never saw this one coming.  I'm pretty good about preparing my mind to not be surprised by athletes and their decisions.  I've grown accustom to hearing about the most recently jailed Bengal.  I shake my head and say "Yup" or "Figures" just about every time I hear Brett Favre speak publicly.  But Marion Jones got me with this one.  Good one, Marion.
Marion Jones Asks President Bush To Commute Her Jail Sentence.  That would be her six-month sentence.  Yeah, not six years, but six months.  I know she's taken a beating the past few months.  I know it's been embarrassing for (what used to be) her career, for her family, and for herself.  But trying to get out of a six-month sentence?  Puuuuuhlease. 

Let's see - she lied to prosecutors.  I might even be willing to cut her some slack on that one.  Maybe in her mind she had this "they're out to get me" paranoia built up in her mind and she felt like she was defending herself from the enemy.  (Yeah, that's the ticket.)  Nah, I'm definitely not cutting her some slack on that one.

And I'm definitely not cutting her any slack on the check fraud charges either.  I frequently remind kids that the "hand of one is the hand of all" - i.e., if you know about a crime and don't report it you're just as guilty as the actual violators.  Sorry, Marion.  If there are ninth-grade students in this country that know better, then you definitely can't get any slack on this one, either.

Really what I think this whole thing boils down to is regret.  I'm sure she regrets taking the drugs and then lying about it.  She regrets marrying Tim Montgomery.  She regrets the whole million-dollar check fraud thing.  She regrets it all and now she's asking President Bush to bail her out so she can rebuild her life.  Seems like a simple enough request, even though terribly inappropriate.

What's next?  I can only imagine the possible issues President Obama or McCain might have to deal with if even more famous athletes decide to start having regret or remorse over infamous moments in their careers.  Here's a few I expect to hear or read in a clemency letter in the near future:

Dear Mr. President, I should have never had him mail that package.  I'm truly sorry.  I swear it was for my wife.  Can you talk to Bud about hooking me up in the HOF?  Thanks, Roger Clemens  P.S. - She was totally 18 years old.  I swear!






Dear Mr. President, I hardly think that it's fair that I'm serving 10 years in prison because my players continue to get arrested.  I didn't think that Roger Goodell had the authority to bring me up on charges.  I promise it won't happen again.  I got rid of Marvin Lewis.  I think it's all his fault.  He's been thuggin' it hard since his Baltimore days.  I should have known better.  Sincerely, Mike Brown, Cincinnati Bengals Owner




Dear Mr. President,  Hey, it's Barry again.  I was wondering if you changed your mind about that thing I talked about in the last letter I sent you.  You know, that really important thing.  If you'll reconsider, I'll go back out in public and state again that I had no idea what Greg was rubbing on me.  Really, I had no clue.  Haven't you ever had some dude rub stuff on you and not know what it was?  Anyway, I'd really appreciate a response.  Yours truly, BB