Wow, do I want the man, myth, and legend they call "The Moose" to make a third-party run this year at The White House.  He convinced me in his recent interview with David Brown of Yahoo! Sports' Big League Stew.

Exhibit A: He knows how to clarify and subsequently dodge a tough question.

Brown: Aren't we doing something incredibly short-sighted by tearing down Yankee Stadium?
Moose: [Furrowing his brow with incredulous look] Short-sighted?

Ah, the old "incredulous look" trick.  He's learned well from President Bush.

Brown: OK, Bob Feller has been quoted as saying, something along the lines of, "In Europe, they hold onto their history and don't tear down significant buildings, but in the United States, we don't place the same value on old things."
Moose: I would agree that we tend to tear stuff down and build something new.

BANG, BABY!  No disagreements here.  Spin that, Chris Matthews.

Exhibit B: He's in touch with small town American values.

Brown: What NYC touristy thing have you still not done yet?
Moose: All of them.  I haven't done hardly any of them.
Brown: Not your cup of tea, or not any time for it?
Moose: Probably a little bit of both.  I live outside the city and I enjoy the trees and the country.  Less traffic.

See how he snuck the "I enjoy the trees" and "less traffic" bits in there?  Simultaneously solidifies his position as the people's candidate and subliminally advocates the environment.  The Rural Republican vote and Al Gore's endorsement in one three sentence answer.  Genius.

Exhibit C: He makes gaffes.

Brown: You an amateur shutterbug [photographer]?
Moose: Very amateur, I would say, but I enjoy shooting the kids.

Uh, what?

Moose: I have my camera out more often than the average guy.

A little womanly, but glove save and a beauty.

Exhibit D: He handles awkwardness with grace.

Brown: The Onion has written a few satirical stories with you as a character.
Moose: Who?
Brown: The Onion, the satirical newspaper that writes fake joke stories? You don't know the Onion?
Moose: Nope.
Brown: Wow.  Well, there was this one headline: "Mussina Convinced He's Won a World Series" and it quotes you as believing you were on the 2000 World Series champs.
Moose: OK.
Brown: All right, moving along ...

Just call him "El Presidente" already.

Exhibit E: He's an economic authority.

Brown: How can some people say we're not in a recession?
El Presidente: I think the only reason they can say that is because the numbers haven't moved the right percentage to officially be called a recession.

As fellow student of economics, I can back up El Presidente.  The technical definition of a recession is two consecutive quarters of negative GDP growth, i.e., back-to-back quarters of a shrinking economy as spelled out by the numbers on the books.

El Presidente (cont.): But when the price of gas goes up 200 percent in four years, homes are going under and people are struggling, I don't know how you can't call it one now.

That's right -- screw Wall Street, 'cause it sure as hell feels like a recession on Main Street.  And check out Stat Boy, here: "... when the price of gas goes up 200 percent in four years..."  Reali had better run and hide.  What can't this man do?

El Presidente: I cannot run a cash register.  I never learned!

Sound familiar?


(The views expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of FANIQ.com.  And thank God for that.)

Mussina on Answer Man: [Yahoo! Sports]