NFL

NFL F-U Power Rankings: Week 15

12/12/13 in NFL   |   marcus_nyce   |   27102 respect

Mike Shanahan and Dan SnyderAll persons, places and things middle finger related in the form of an indiscriminate list without any set number of entries, on a weekly, biweekly or monthly basis. Who knows? Middle fingers are completely organic and unpredictable.
 
#1 Mike Shanahan: He’s like George Costanza trying to get fired from the Yankees at this point. His Shanahanigans include leaking that he cleaned out his office and almost quit last year, benching the owner’s bestie and making him run the scout team all week, then getting all pissy with the media about it. I fully expect him to coach in a nude suit this weekend and talk about “The Injun Way” in reference to his management style. Magic Mike is going to throw his hat into the ring for the (probable?) opening at the University of Texas by any means necessary.
 
#2 The Washingtons: [insert ironic “circle the wagons” line here] It’s become so bad inside the beltway that (per UPROXX) life long R-word fan, renown owner of the Momofuku Restaurant Group, Chef David Chang (Treme & Top Chef ), has launched a rather snarky Kickstarter campaign to buy the team from Dan Snyder for Six. Billion. Dollars. Hahahahaha! Hold tight DC fans, the cavalry is coming to save the day. Yippee-kah-yay Momofuku! Even though this is clearly a publicity stunt that fans are eagerly going to embrace to send a message, things are bound to get even more interesting on this front especially when you factor everyone’s collective “Snyderfreude.” Get your popcorn ready.
 
Psssssst Danny Boy, don’t order the Fugu the next time you’re at his restaurant Má Pêche.
 
#3 Jeff Triplette: Last week his crew had trouble figuring out the downs and this week he went full Helen Keller on a clear as day, ‘down by contact’ review of a touchdown. Obviously, Jeff does not give an eff about the league’s grading system for officials, he’s just out there to have fun or something? It’s not a competition, so chill everybody.
 
#4 The NFL: A week after banning machine gun ads during the broadcast of the Super Bowl, the league has announced that there will be NO TAILGATING at the game this year. According to the game's committee CEO & head of the NFL’s Good Times Gestapo, Al Kelly (via ESPN) "You will be allowed to have food in your car and have drink in your car. And provided you're in the boundaries of a single parking space, you'll be able to eat or drink right next to your car. However, you're not going to be able to take out a lounge chair, you're not going to be able to take out a grill, and you're not going to be able to take up more than one parking space. And it'll all be watched very carefully." Wait, it gets better. “And hiring a black car, taxi or limo won't be an option for VIPs. No cars will be allowed near the stadium on game day without visible parking passes, and any car that drops off a passenger will have to wait at the stadium.” Wait, wait, wait, there’s more. You cannot walk to the Super Bowl,” Kelly said. "You can get your hotel to drop you off at one of the New Jersey Transit locations or get the shuttle to take you to a Fan Express location, but you cannot walk.” So the NFL’s ‘final solution’ for keeping order at the Super Bowl includes having everyone clearly identified, rounded up without food or drink and put on zee trains.  Unglaublich.
 
#5 Sean Payton: “Go home Sean, you’re drunk.” For some effing reason, the Saints coach turned down a penalty with an automatic first down in favor of a 2nd and 3 opportunity, gaining just two extra yards in the process, from their own 27 yard line!? The Saints proceeded to go 3 and out then punted the ball back to the Panthers… because of course they did. Look New Orleans is a really fun party town, but replacing the Gatorade on the sideline with “Hurricanes” is probably not a great idea.
 
#6 The Seahawks & 49ers: The teams are involved in some kind of sloppy-seconds, waiver wire, “flame” war. They have poached 12 players off the each other’s practice squads for no other reason than eff you, that’s why! One of these coaches is bound to drop a Ray Jay like “I Hit It First” remark, followed by the other coach retorting like Kanye during what will surely be one of the most memorably weird and surly pressers ever. [Hashtag] YEEZUS.
 
 
Remember, there is no “I” in F-U, but there is an EFF and a YOU.
 
…’till that day.
 
 
-5000-
 
 
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12/16/13   |   JenX63   |   32661 respect

*snort*

12/16/13   |   kobe_lova   |   61576 respect

Eric_ wrote:
Top 6 score points on a 10-6-4-3-2-1 scale. To answer specific questions and comments:

- Ray Lewis has a first (Week 6) and a third (Week 12). The names are different almost every week, thus it's been hard for anyone but the ubiquitous Goodell to break out away from the pack.
-This is the first time Payton has made the list since a 2nd place in Week 1.
-The NFL has now shown up 4 times: a 3rd, a 5th, and two 4ths. 4+2+3+3 = 12
-Numbers are not stupid.
(Edited by kobe_lova)

I can't read this. You lost me at top 6 score pts on a s....

12/15/13   |   marcus_nyce   |   27102 respect

Eric_ wrote:
Top 6 score points on a 10-6-4-3-2-1 scale. To answer specific questions and comments:

- Ray Lewis has a first (Week 6) and a third (Week 12). The names are different almost every week, thus it's been hard for anyone but the ubiquitous Goodell to break out away from the pack.
-This is the first time Payton has made the list since a 2nd place in Week 1.
-The NFL has now shown up 4 times: a 3rd, a 5th, and two 4ths. 4+2+3+3 = 12
-Numbers are not stupid.

This.

[Denzel-in-Training-Day-"mah N-word" dot gif]

12/13/13   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

kobe_lova wrote:
*I would know nothing if I didn't read these!
*You made me almost spit my coffee with "went full Helen Keller"! OMGosh.
*Shanahanigans...ha.
*I want some Fogo de Chao now. Leggo.
*“Go home Sean, you’re drunk.”  purrfect.
*I just don't understand the tailgating thing. Clearly they think NYers are as awful as I know them to be...so, you shouldn't have let this come to be, jerk monkeys.  You can't walk? WTS?!
*I don't get this rating system at all. How is Ray Lewis still top 7 when I'm pretty sure Payton has made the list more, and the NFL makes it every week, and the washingtons, for that matter? This is another example of why numbers are stupid. :/

Top 6 score points on a 10-6-4-3-2-1 scale. To answer specific questions and comments:

- Ray Lewis has a first (Week 6) and a third (Week 12). The names are different almost every week, thus it's been hard for anyone but the ubiquitous Goodell to break out away from the pack.
-This is the first time Payton has made the list since a 2nd place in Week 1.
-The NFL has now shown up 4 times: a 3rd, a 5th, and two 4ths. 4+2+3+3 = 12
-Numbers are not stupid.

12/13/13   |   kobe_lova   |   61576 respect

(Edited by kobe_lova)

*I would know nothing if I didn't read these!
*You made me almost spit my coffee with "went full Helen Keller"! OMGosh.
*Shanahanigans...ha.
*I want some Fogo de Chao now. Leggo.
*“Go home Sean, you’re drunk.”  purrfect.
*I just don't understand the tailgating thing. Clearly they think NYers are as awful as I know them to be...so, you shouldn't have let this come to be, jerk monkeys.  You can't walk? WTS?!
*I don't get this rating system at all. How is Ray Lewis still top 7 when I'm pretty sure Payton has made the list more, and the NFL makes it every week, and the washingtons, for that matter? This is another example of why numbers are stupid. :/

12/13/13   |   marcus_nyce   |   27102 respect

Eric_ wrote:
BTW, while I get that Shanny and the Racial Slurs were basically impossible to beat this week, I gotta say the league sure made a good effort with their latest draconian bull*bleep*. I have no idea how anyone believes anything the league says at this point.

Originally it was the lead (#1 so to speak) but the whole Washington thing bumped it in the end for whatever reason. I try to compile stories right up until I post, The R-words were on ESPN news when this went up. Sort of an "eff you" way of doing it.

12/12/13   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

BTW, while I get that Shanny and the Racial Slurs were basically impossible to beat this week, I gotta say the league sure made a good effort with their latest draconian bull*bleep*. I have no idea how anyone believes anything the league says at this point.

12/12/13   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

No change at the very top, but the NFL itself has broken past the gaggle of those at 10 points. Sean Payton also moves into solo 14th. The current standings:

1. Roger Goodell 69
2. Dan Snyder 21
3. Richie Incognito 16
4. God 14
4. Ray Lewis 14
6. Greg Schiano 13
7. the NFL 12

12/12/13   |   JenX63   |   32661 respect

you made me laugh....good stuff as usual! 

12/12/13   |   Jess   |   34638 respect

marcus_nyce wrote:
Personally, I'm delighted by it.

Well yea, from the outside looking in, it's probably AWESOME entertainment!  cheeky

12/12/13   |   marcus_nyce   |   27102 respect

Jess wrote:
Well done, as usual! This thing between the 49ers & Seahawks, their coaches, their players, and  their fans, is really reminiscent of a high school rivalry (aside from trading players back and forth from PS.) With the trash talk, whining and complaining (by everybody involved), pranks by the fans at the other's home territory, etc...it's just gotten ridiculous. I'm sick of it. I just wanna watch and appreciate good football.

Personally, I'm delighted by it.

12/12/13   |   Jess   |   34638 respect

Well done, as usual! This thing between the 49ers & Seahawks, their coaches, their players, and  their fans, is really reminiscent of a high school rivalry (aside from trading players back and forth from PS.) With the trash talk, whining and complaining (by everybody involved), pranks by the fans at the other's home territory, etc...it's just gotten ridiculous. I'm sick of it. I just wanna watch and appreciate good football.