NFL F-U Power Rankings: Week 3
It’s a short list this week, so I added some MMMF hits. (Monday Morning Middle Finger - Shout out to ‘Big Irv’ for that - Why the eff didn’t I think of it?!) On to week 3, with a record 100% of the votes this week, I for one, welcome our new overlord to the top spot.
#1 Roger Goodell: Francis Ullysses McMiddleFinger had his Goodie Mob over at NFL.com run a story about concussions… IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!?! (Concussions? In football!? Football, football!? Football? We’re talking about concussions… in Football? Football? FOOTBALL!? A.I. would be proud.) The NFL should have a commercial where Diamond Rodge walks around the league office like that camel asking employees, “Guess how many effs I give? GUESS? HOW MANY? EFFs? I GIVE? Mike-Mike-Mike-Mike, guess how many effs I give? Woot-woot!!” This type of epic F-U is going to be hard to top, but whatever? President Assad your middle finger is on the clock.
God: Even more lightning, biblical floods in Colorado, killer ants in Texas and idolaters in Jacksonville rallying for the prodigal son to return. Be forewarned, when a Monday night game gets delayed for three hours Berman is going to have to go all the way back to the Bronze Age in his lexicon and start dropping “Sargon of Akkad” references to fill time. I’m pretty sure that’s what hell on earth is like in those “Left Behind” rapture novels. Speaking of which, Browns fans are hoarding canned goods and booby-trapping their property right now. You’re forgetting that HE works in mysterious ways Cleveland. Your new GM, Mike Lombardi, seems like a generally nice guy and they finish last. See? In this case that’s a good thing. Cin cin!
They’re heeeere: A Poltergeist has manifested itself in Washington and “knows what scares you” DC. I thought the team name was meant to "honor" the Native Americans buried underneath Fed Ex field? Hopefully this ends with little Danny trapped in the jumotron.
Other effing things I think I effing think:
- When Bo Pelini takes over in Jacksonville or Carolina next year, this ish is going to MF'ing write itself. The F-U is strong in him.
- The Seahawk / 49ers F-U Bowl wasn’t a curb stomp, but the fat lady had her mouth open on the edge of the sidewalk.
- After that fugly Pats game last week, Vince Wolfork probably had to put on Julian Edelman’s sports jacket twirl around and sing “fat guy in a little coat” to get Tommy Boy to reluctantly crack a smile. Dude was seriously p*ssed off. EFF YOUs ahoy!
- Titans head coach Mike Munchak just iced… Ha! I’m kidding.
- Random non-NFL related effing thing: Jason Whitlock’s blackish-Bill-Simmons joint should be called “Grantlandsterdam” amirite? [Rolls blunt, cackles, awaits ‘The Wire’ box set in the mail. Eff, somebody probably already thought of that right? Of course they did, this is the interwebs.]
I had a half & half Mocha Mulatto-chino during a long layover at San Fransisco Int’l Airport. And man, are prostitutes expensive there!
There is no “I” in F-U, but there is an EFF and a YOU …I’m just warming up my finger like the kid in the Cam Newton commercial.
Until that day.