NFL

NFL F-U Power Rankings: Week 3

9/19/13 in NFL   |   marcus_nyce   |   27082 respect

NFL Films presentsAll persons, places and things middle finger related in the form of an indiscriminate list without any set number of entries, on a weekly, biweekly or monthly basis. Who knows? Middle fingers are completely organic and unpredictable.
 
It’s a short list this week, so I added some MMMF hits. (Monday Morning Middle Finger - Shout out to ‘Big Irv’ for that - Why the eff didn’t I think of it?!) On to week 3, with a record 100% of the votes this week, I for one, welcome our new overlord to the top spot.
 
#1 Roger Goodell: Francis Ullysses McMiddleFinger had his Goodie Mob over at NFL.com run a story about concussions… IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!?! (Concussions? In football!? Football, football!? Football? We’re talking about concussions… in Football? Football? FOOTBALL!? A.I. would be proud.) The NFL should have a commercial where Diamond Rodge walks around the league office like that camel asking employees, “Guess how many effs I give? GUESS? HOW MANY? EFFs? I GIVE? Mike-Mike-Mike-Mike, guess how many effs I give? Woot-woot!!” This type of epic F-U is going to be hard to top, but whatever? President Assad your middle finger is on the clock.
 
Honorable Mentions:
God: Even more lightning, biblical floods in Colorado, killer ants in Texas and idolaters in Jacksonville rallying for the prodigal son to return. Be forewarned, when a Monday night game gets delayed for three hours Berman is going to have to go all the way back to the Bronze Age in his lexicon and start dropping “Sargon of Akkad” references to fill time. I’m pretty sure that’s what hell on earth is like in those “Left Behind” rapture novels. Speaking of which, Browns fans are hoarding canned goods and booby-trapping their property right now. You’re forgetting that HE works in mysterious ways Cleveland. Your new GM, Mike Lombardi, seems like a generally nice guy and they finish last. See? In this case that’s a good thing. Cin cin!
 
They’re heeeere: A Poltergeist has manifested itself in Washington and “knows what scares you” DC. I thought the team name was meant to "honor" the Native Americans buried underneath Fed Ex field? Hopefully this ends with little Danny trapped in the jumotron.
 
 
Other effing things I think I effing think:
- When Bo Pelini takes over in Jacksonville or Carolina next year, this ish is going to MF'ing write itself. The F-U is strong in him.
 
- The Seahawk / 49ers F-U Bowl wasn’t a curb stomp, but the fat lady had her mouth open on the edge of the sidewalk.
 
- After that fugly Pats game last week, Vince Wolfork probably had to put on Julian Edelman’s sports jacket twirl around and sing “fat guy in a little coat” to get Tommy Boy to reluctantly crack a smile. Dude was seriously p*ssed off. EFF YOUs ahoy!
 
- Titans head coach Mike Munchak just iced… Ha! I’m kidding.
 
- Random non-NFL related effing thing: Jason Whitlock’s blackish-Bill-Simmons joint should be called “Grantlandsterdam” amirite? [Rolls blunt, cackles, awaits ‘The Wire’ box set in the mail. Eff, somebody probably already thought of that right? Of course they did, this is the interwebs.]
 
 
Coffy Nerdsploitation:
I had a half & half Mocha Mulatto-chino during a long layover at San Fransisco Int’l Airport. And man, are prostitutes expensive there!
 
 
There is no “I” in F-U, but there is an EFF and a YOU …I’m just warming up my finger like the kid in the Cam Newton commercial.
 
Until that day.
 

-5000-
 
Notify me by email about comments that follow mine. Preview

9/19/13   |   Eric_   |   7716 respect

I'm glad someone else around here noticed the NFL's new Look over there! strategy on concussions.

9/19/13   |   JenX63   |   32634 respect

A whole 13 people showed up for that rally in Jacksonville (one was a baby, forced by his parents to attend) that made me giggle.
These are so awesome!

9/19/13   |   marcus_nyce   |   27082 respect

Jess wrote:
I thought for sure Pete Carroll would be here not only for that coach's challenge that really didn't matter, and for going for it on 4th down at the end of the game rather than kick a field goal, if for no other reason than to say "look what I can do, Harbaugh!" only to take a knee on the goal line. 

FY: October is F-U history month. You're boy will be prominently represented. lol

9/19/13   |   Jess   |   34627 respect

I thought for sure Pete Carroll would be here not only for that coach's challenge that really didn't matter, and for going for it on 4th down at the end of the game rather than kick a field goal, if for no other reason than to say "look what I can do, Harbaugh!" only to take a knee on the goal line.