NFL F-U Power Rankings: Week 8
As promised, per our “F-U DIRECTOR OF STATS AND INFORMATION” Eric_, here are the current FUCS (F-U Championship Series) point totals to date:
1. Roger Goodell - 46
2. God - 14
3. Bill Belichick/Ray Lewis/Tom Brady - 10
6. Tampa Bay Bucs - 10 (They lose the tiebreaker because the other three have "wins")
7. Sean Payton/Philadelphia Eagles/Sal Paolantonio - 6
10. Dan Snyder - 5
(So far, 25 people and entities have earned points so far. Some surprises of those "not classified" to date: Jerry Jones, Greg Schiano, Cam Newton, Peter King, Gregg Easterbrook, Mike Florio [the media's top dip*bleep* trio], Richard Sherman, the Raiders…)
There may have been some more prominent or blatant middle fingers this week, but the top of the list crossed a line. **Third person alert!**
#1 Greg Schiano: Things your boys Nyce and Trick Daddy have an affinity for: Sugar water, mayonnaise sandwiches and, most importantly, we love the kids. Last week while putting the final touches on his “Mein Training Kampf” book and planning the invasion of Poland, das Führer had one of his Gregstapo throw a bunch of kids out of a Bucs practice because EFF YOU, THAT’S WHY! This season ends with Schiano taking his own life deep inside his bunker under Tampa Bay’s practice facility. Bank it.
#2 Steve Smith: It took nearly a half-season for his “Forget About Dre” F-U moment, but he delivered. The absolute LAST [Riley Cooper slur] you want to get personal with is Steve Smith. Talk trash about his daughters and he becomes Liam Neeson in Taken. He doesn’t know who you are or what you want, but he will look for you, he will find you, and he will punch you in the effing mouth.
#3 Marshawn Lynch: Great form. (via friend of the middle finger and our glorious leader, Jess.)
#4 Roger Goodell: He handed out a two-game suspension, knowing the Players Association would get it reduced to a single game, because he is who we thought he is. That was like a BYE WEEK for his middle finger. Hashtag Yawn.
There is no “I” in F-U, but there is an EFF and a YOU.
“Till that day.”