With Jess in Seattle getting ready for the big time, you're stuck with me, so entertainment optional. However, our guest is ms_hippie_queen, aka Leigh, who is of course very entertaining. Coherence optional. With that, let's get started.
Special Saturday Night Obsolete Pick: Atlanta at Detroit
Leigh: If you break it down into simple math, the winner is clear.
Eric: What did I get myself into? I agreed at the time the Falcons would win. Congrats to them on home field and congrats to Megatron.
Buffalo at Miami
Leigh: With the Dolphins at home, Bills look to be distracted by the hottest cheerleaders in the league as well as by the delicious debauchery native to Miami. Bills 11, Dolphins 17
Eric: I will also pick the Dolphins, mostly because they're not as bad as originally thought, and the Bills can't stop anybody. That reason works too though.
Oakland at Carolina
Leigh: Panthers need this win to stay above .250 but they won’t get it. While it may not be the best game fundamentally, it should be, aesthetically, quite pleasing. Raiders 31, Panthers 0
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Leigh: The most dangerous animal is a wounded animal….or whatever the eff a Steeler is. Bengals 64, Steelers 65
Eric: The Bengals are playing better, are younger, and are healthier. However, the Steelers are cockroaches. They never ever die. Bastards.
New Orleans at Dallas
Leigh: 98% of Houston will be tuned in passionately to this game with their hand in their pants. The other 2% will be watching the Texans. Saints 42, Cowboys 31
Eric: I'm picking New Orleans since this feels like the time the Cowboys blow it and figuratively punch their fans in the crotch. The good news is even if they don't do this week, we still have Week 17 and maybe even Wild Card Weekend to see it happen.
Tennessee at Green Bay
Leigh: This should be a decent game to nap through.Titans 4, Packers 56
Eric: Homerism means I pick Green Bay. Every fan though will be holding their breath each time Crosby comes in to kick.
Minnesota at Houston
Leigh: I don’t like to make predictions. Feels yucky. JJ Watt is expected do something cool and will look foyne (sic) doing it and somebody will inevitably get a divot stuck in their helmet. Arian Foster will receive some sort of accolade for falling down on his own less in this one than he has in the past 14 games and for helping Lestar Jean get his shoulder pad back in his sleeve. Vikings ??, Texans ??
Indianapolis at Kansas City
Leigh: It’s just plain not fair for a dynasty team to take one year off and then go all dynasty again with a new crew. They won’t win another game this year if they know what’s good for ‘em. Colts 16, Chiefs 17
Eric: If it helps Leigh, the Colts really aren't that great of a team yet. They've benefited from some luck (note that's lower case) and a favorable schedule. The latter comes into play here. If they were playing even a half decent team on the road, I'd pick against the Colts. Since they're only playing the Chiefs, I'll pick Indianapolis.
New England at Jacksonville
Leigh: Patriots don’t stand a chance against this tough squad. Patriots -4, Jags 3
Eric: Snerf. All of New England and everywhere who gets this game will all wonder "Jacksonville still has a team?"
San Diego at N.Y. Jets
Leigh: Chargers will try really hard to lose this one, but it’ll be the Jets coming away with the L. Chargers 10, Jets 7
Eric: Woof. (Pick: A 6-6 tie)
Washington at Philadelphia
Leigh: I hope Mike Carey is officiating, because there won’t be much else to see here. Rookie QB RGIII locks up his 11th win. What an amazing start for the young guy. Redskins 23, Eagles 15
Eric: RGIII is likely to play, which just makes it worse for free falling Philadelphia. This is now the 5th season of Redskins football I've seen since I moved to DC, and while the Redskins always suck up 95% of the sports oxygen, this is the first time it's ever been positive. The power of RGIII.
St. Louis at Tampa Bay
Leigh: My heaven is a place where the Rams play everyday, in the rain, in those gold lamé pants. actually they don’t play…they just chill forever in a sweet 3-point stance and I am the umpire. Unfortunately, they can’t remember how to stay until the ball is snapped in this game and penalties kill them. Rams 13, Buccaneers 20 (I'm sorry Becky. It frustrates me too.)
Eric: I'll pick St. Louis. Not because I'm a wanna be teacher's pet (I was one growing up until I turned smartass), but because the Rams are still playing hard, while the Bucs are openly fighting with assistant coaches on the sideline. Also, Schiano's a douche.
(I hope those are the pants you are referring too, Leigh.)
Cleveland at Denver
Leigh: Trap game. (Fart) no it’s not. Peyton Manning hasn’t played a trap game in his life. He just chooses to lose sometimes to keep it real. Browns 11, Broncos 137
Eric: The Browns had problems stopping Kirk Cousins last week. Going from that to Peyton Manning will not end well.
N.Y. Giants at Baltimore
Leigh: For the Giants, the secondary has been a thorn in their side all season long. When the pass rush is able to make up for it, New York has been able to get by. When teams are able to block their defensive front, quarterbacks have been able to expose the Giants' back end. and we can all agree, an exposed back end is the best back end. Giants 31, Ravens 27
Eric: Uh, exactly. Also while people will still give the Giants some benefit of the doubt, absolutely no one believes in the Ravens anymore. Giants win and get closer to fulfilling their destiny of sneaking into the playoffs and beating the Packers and Falcons again (*sigh*).
Chicago at Arizona
Leigh: It really comes down to Urlacher vs. Fitzgerald for me here. While Fitzgerald continues to impress on the field and off (dude’s conducting orchestras’n s**t), Urlacher is scary, mean and bald. Game ball goes to karma. Bears 6, Cards 11
San Francisco at Seattle
Leigh: Fail Mary's looming pretty big these days in the NFC! Seahawks need to score 50+ a game for the last two games of the season to avoid the harrassment they will get from the really ugly-headed football talkers if they squeak into the 'offs with a 1 game margin over the s**t-ton of 8-6 wild card hopefuls. Time to lay the bullies to rest. Seahawks are good. Niners 27, Seahawks 33.
Eric: Hold on, I have to stop my eye from twitching at the mention of Fail Mary...
*two hours later*
OK, ready. This is the hardest game to pick this week. We know the atmosphere in Seattle will be insane, and we know Kaepernick can be mistake prone at times. Seattle is on an epic tear though, and I don't think it was just the result of playing Arizona and Buffalo. Seahawks I guess, but I'll probably be wrong.
Q it up here throughout Week 16.