Week 5 of the NFL season was just as wild as the previous four weeks. Two teams finally notched one in the win column. A team not named the Pittsburgh Steelers or Baltimore Ravens is in first place in the AFC North. The Wildcat attacks again. Miles Austin had the game of his life. Neckbeard outplayed Tom Brady. And a quarterback made NFL history. These things and more took place in Week 5
Cincinnati 17, Baltimore 14: If you weren't convinced that the Bengals are for real, perhaps you should be now. For the second time this season, Carson Palmer connected with Ocho Siete (Andre Caldwell that is) for a game winning score. Cedric Benson, once labeled a bust, ran for 120 yards against a Ravens defense that hasn't allowed a 100 yard rusher since 2006. What was even more impressive is that the Bengals defense held the Ravens to 12 first downs and under 300 yards of total defense. Cincinnati's five games have been decided by a touchdown or less, so they have shown that they can win close games, making them even more dangerous. They are one crazy tipped pass away from 5-0. As for Baltimore, at 3-2, it isn't time to panic. Or is it? The schedule does them no favors: at Minnesota, Denver at home, a rematch at Cincinnati and a visit to the offensive juggernaut that is the Cleveland Browns. Which brings us to…
Cleveland 6, Buffalo 3: All the Dawg Pound if you're still hanging around say "Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! The Browns get the first win of the Mangina era. Great news, right? Wrong. If you are the type of person who believes in the "football gods", then this game was a pure and utter abomination to them. But we should take note that history was made in this game. If you're a quarterback, you'd love for your name to be mentioned among the likes of Elway, Montana, Brady even. How would you like your name to be mentioned among the likes of Scott Mitchell and Akili Smith? Derek Anderson became the third QB in NFL history (joining those two fine aforementioned quarterbacks) to win a game completing two passes or less. Anderson was a very JaMarcus Russelian 2/17 for 23 yards. Thats right. He completed two more passes than you did on Sunday. Billy Cundiff made the game winning field goal in this hapless game. And am I the only one who didn't know this guy was even still in the league? The combined stats for these two "teams" in this "game": 9 poins, 22 first downs (2 on penalties so don't count those), a combined 10/33 on third downs and 16 punts. I feel the utmost sorrow for those who actually attended the game or watched on TV. I threw up in my mouth when I watched the lowlights. P.S. I don’t think T.O. will be shedding any tears in defense of Trent Edwards anytime soon.
Carolina 20, Washington 17: Whether you call this game an epic comeback by the Carolina Panthers, or an epic choke job by the Washington Redskins, the results are still the same - Carolina has won their first game. Both offenses left much to be desired, but a late turnover by the Redskins set up the game-winning touchdown for Carolina. The two quarterbacks in the game, who have both been under scrutiny, were very underwhelming. Jason Campbell threw for a paltry 145 yards, and Delhomme wasn't much better, throwing for 181 yards, a touch down, and an interception his 982nd of the year. A nomination for quote of the year: John Fox said, “You talk about a monkey on your back, this was a gorilla.” If the Panthers had a gorilla on their back, then the Rams & Buccaneers must have a pack of King Kongs on their backs. The Panthers play the aforementioned Buccaneers next.
Pittsburgh 28, Detroit 20: If I’m a member of the Steeler Nation, I’m a bit concerned right now. They came dangerously close to losing to the Chargers after jumping out to a commanding lead. Then, they nearly lost to the Lions and former teammate Larry Foote. Yes, the Lions have been far more competitive than they were last season, but they’re still the Lions, and the Steelers are still the Super Bowl Champions. Credit the defense for a remarkable effort at the end of the game, literally sacking the Lions attempt to tie the game. Yes they won the game, but the reality is that the game should have never been in doubt. Big Ben had a season high 3 TDs in the game (four if you count the pick-six he threw to William James), and Rashard Mendenhall had a decent game, getting 77 yards on 15 rushes. While I stated that perhaps the Steeler Nation should worry a little bit, LB LaMarr Woodley disagrees. “We’ll get rolling from here with Cleveland coming to town next week.” Translation: Next week is an easy win for us. Sorry Dawg Pound.
Dallas 26, Kansas City 20 (OT): A friend of mines that happens to be a Dallas Cowboys fan told me “Romo finally won a big game! You can’t say he chokes in big game situations anymore!” Really now? Since when does an overtime win in October over an 0-4 team that you should have demolished qualify as a win a “big game”? Yes, the Cowboys needed to win Sunday. Going into the bye week at 2-3 would have widened the gap in the NFC East between them and the Giants/Eagles. But don’t be deceived about Sunday’s win. Dallas played badly enough to lose the game. If they were playing anyone other than Kansas City, they lose by at least two touchdowns. They yielded over 90 yards in penalties and allowed the Chiefs to go down the field and tie the game to send it into overtime. They could have easily lost the game had the Chiefs gone for two and converted. I give Miles Austin a ton of credit for having the game of a lifetime (10 catches, 250 yards, 2 TD’s), but I have to give some of the discredit to Chiefs cornerback Maurice Leggett, who did a horrible job of tackling Miles Austin on both of his touchdowns. His thoughts after the game: It’s very frustrating, but we also have to focus on the bigger stuff so we can get better each and every day. Don’t take big jumps and focus on getting 2 percent better every day.” Sounds like some Joe Flacco type math to me. After the bye week, the Cowboys host Atlanta & Seattle then go to Philadelphia, while the Chiefs visit the sputtering Washington Redskins.
New York Giants 44, Oakland 7: Eight completions in thirteen pass attempts for 100 yards. That is a solid quarter for the likes of Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, etc. Ladies & gentlemen that was the stat line for JaMarcus Russell for the game. The worst part is, this was his best game of the season and it is disturbing that I can say that in spite of the fact that he lost three fumbles and was sacked six times. Russell’s precision passing and pinpoint accuracy brought his season completion percentage to 42%. His complete stat line: 51/121, 606 yds, 1 TD, 4 INT’s. The four interceptions surprised me. As much as he sucked, I would have thought he’d thrown more than that. I guess when you’re inaccurate as he is, you’re even inaccurate in passes you throw to the defense. Oh and by the way, his Raiders got owned. Eli Manning threw 2 touchdowns, Ahmad Bradshaw ran for two touchdowns, and David Carr nearly had a better game than Russell in mop-up duty (9/14 for 90 yards). This was a great preseason game for the Giants in the middle of the season to help them prepare for their visit to New Orleans in what could be a preview of the NFC title game. The Raiders get a visit from the Philadelphia Eagles next. If Jeff Garcia was still on the Eagles roster, this game could have been mildly interesting. Since he isn’t, expect another boring blowout.
Philadelphia 33, TampaBay 14: The outcome of this game was never in any doubt. Although the Eagles won, the Artists Formerly Known As The Tampa Bay Buccaneers showed a slight pulse on offense. They finished with 303 yards of offense and Private Kellen “F’N Soldier” Winslow led the troops with 102 yards on 9 catches and both touchdowns for the AFKATTBB’s. Unfortunately, Josh Johnson also threw three pick. Strange stat line of the day: both teams were led in rushing by their starting quarterbacks (McNabb led the Eagles with 30 yards, Johnson paced the AFKATTBB’s with 40 yards).The Eagles visit Oakland & Washington before hosting the Giants. The AFKATTBB’s get previously winless Carolina at home in an NFC South battle before getting a visit from the New England Patriots. Which brings us to…
Denver 20, New England 17 (OT): Epic win for the Broncos. They’re off to a 5-0 start and have defeated the mighty New England Patriots. No, the Patriots aren’t what they used to be, but they’re still a great team and still have that brand name identity. I watched the majority of this game and it was a great one. People have criticized Kyle “Neckbeard” Orton (myself included), but even with his deficiencies as a quarterback, he wins football games. The key to success in anything that you do is knowing your limitations, and he knows his and stays within his skill set. And when you have a defense that plays the way his defense did (surrendered 17 points to New England in the first half, zero points the rest of the game), you don’t have to do much as a quarterback. Speaking of quarterbacks, Tom Brady had a very un-Bradylike game: 19/33 for 215 yards and two scores. Neckbeard: 35/48 for 330 yards, two touchdowns and an interception (which was thrown to Randy Moss at the end of the first half). Josh McDaniels’ jubilant celebration was quite entertaining to watch. I was kinda hoping he gave Belichick the finger, but to no avail. Two things can be said about the Broncos-Patriots game: For one Sunday: Neckbeard > Brady & J-Mac > Hoodie. For the Patriots, they play winless Tennessee and winless TampaBay before a bye week. Then it’s the Dolpins, Colts, Jets, Saints and Dolphins again. By then, we’ll know if the Patriots are who we thought they were.
Minnesota 38, St. Louis 10: NEWS ALERT: There has been a Tarvaris Jackson sighting! T-Jack made his way into the game and went 3/3 for 68 yards (let the quarterback controversy begin??). Oh, and by the way, the Vikings won and are 5-0 and didn’t let the hangover after Ryan Longwell’s revenge cause them to lose to a team that no one should lose to. The undefeated Vikings host Baltimore and then travel to Pittsburgh and then to Green Bay for Ryan Longwell’s Revenge II. The Rams wore throwback uniforms on Sunday, donning the attire of The Greatest Show On Turf. They played more like the Greatest BLOW On Turf. Their remaining schedule: Indianapolis, at Detroit, bye week, New Orleans, Arizona, Seattle, at Chicago, at Tennessee, Houston, at Arizona, and San Francisco. Looking at their remaining schedule, do you see a win anywhere? 0-16? YES WE CAN!
Atlanta 45, San Francisco 10: Of all the blowouts this week, this one actually surprised me. Yes, the 49ers are missing Frank Gore, but they could have had ten Frank Gores and they would have still lost as bad as they played. Perhaps Mike Singletary should have dropped his pants at halftime. He did get into a heated “discussion” with former 49er Harvey Dahl during the third quarter. The 49ers defense, who has been pretty solid this year, gave up 477 yards of offense to the Falcons and nearly got outgained on offense by Rowdy Roddy White (210 receiving yards for White, 279 yards of offense for the Niners). If I’m a 49ers fan, I’m a bit worried right now. They visit Houston & Indianapolis, then get Tennessee & Chicago at home. They only need to be a bit worried because they can go 1-3 in those games and still be in contention for the NFC West title at 4-5. The Falcons host Chicago next, and visit Dallas and New Orleans in a pivotal NFC South game.
Arizona 28, Houston 21: I never thought I’d say this, but Arizona’s defense won a game for them! Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie’s pick-six was the game winning score, and the Cardinals defense kept Houston out of the end zone after allowing the Texans to get to the one yard line. The running backs in this game could have stayed in their hotel rooms as both teams combined for 89 yards rushing. The two quarterbacks did not disappoint, as Warner went 26/38 for 302 yards and 2 scores. His counterpart Matt Schaub, went 35/50 for 371 yards and two scores, but threw the game ending pick-six. Arizona still hasn’t convinced me that they’re that great, but as I mentioned before, in the NFC West, they don’t have to be. They play Seattle, New York Giants, Carolina, and Chicago next. Going 2-2 in the next four games (very likely) could put them in the driver’s seat of the NFC West. As for the Texans, they visit the surprising Bengals next, then host San Francisco before visiting Buffalo & Indianapolis. I know every year is supposed to be the year that they finally put all the pieces together and make the playoffs, but it’s not looking like it will happen this year right now.
Seattle 41, Jacksonville 0: A game that puts a smile on the face of Jess. Seattle completely dominated Jacksonville and turned the Jaguars into defenseless little kittens. Matt Hasselbeck had a very triumphant return, throwing four touchdowns. His quarterback counterpart David Garrard: not so triumphant. He went 18/31 for only 188 yards and his fumble was returned for 79 yards for a touchdown to put the icing on this beatdown. Seattle’s win left both teams at 2-3, but headed in different directions. At 2-3, Jacksonville runs the risk of letting Indianapolis run away with the division if they have any hiccups during their next four games (Rams, Titans, Chiefs, Jets). They should go 3-1 or maybe even 4-0. Anything less than 3-1 would severely damage their playoff chances. The next four games for the Seahawks: Arizona, Dallas, Detroit, and at Arizona. If they split those four games, they’d still be in pretty good shape to win the division.
Indianapolis 31, Tennessee 9: The Curse Of The Terrible Towel continues. The Titans have not won since they stomped and blew their nose on the Terrible Towel. They’ve learned their lesson: Don’t F*** With The Towel. The Titans are now 0-5 and are a complete mess in all three phases of the game. The Colts on the other hand, are 5-0 and have been great in all three phases of the game. After watching this game, I think a new phrase should be coined: “It’s just Manning Being Manning” Please note that this phrase is to be used for Peyton Manning ONLY. Eli hasn’t earned the right to use it yet. Peyton went an amazing 36/44 for 309 yards and 3 scores. Speaking of quarterbacks, it was just Kerry Being Kerry for the Titans. Collins was 19/32 for 164 yards and a pick. Hall of Fame quarterback Vince Young took the field and threw incomplete passes on all three attempts, the first one nearly being intercepted. (Side thought: Am I the only one who thinks that the Titans need to get Jeff Garcia on the phone…yesterday?) After the game, coach Jeff Fisher said, “We’ve made our own mess. We have to find our way out of it.” Coach Fisher, here’s how you get out of it: “With the fifth pick in the 2010 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans select….” (They’re bad, but St. Louis, Kansas City, Cleveland, and The Artists Formerly Known As The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are worse)
Miami 31, New York Jets 27: I’m just wild about the Wildcat, and the Wildcat’s wild about me. That’s what the Dolphins are saying today (if they aren’t they should be) after they Wildcatted their way to a win over the J-E-T-S. The Dolphins handed the Jets their second straight loss after a 3-0 start, while Miami has their second straight win after an 0-3 start. Chad Henne won his second NFL start, going 20/26 for 241 yards and 2 scores. His counterpart, Mark “Dirty” Sanchez, had Russellian-like accuracy, going 12/24 for 172 yards. He also threw a touchdown to the newly acquired Braylon Edwards, who started his Jets career with five catches for 64 yards. With several NFL teams using the Wildcat formation, you have to wonder why defenses still have problems stopping it. Rex Ryan agrees and had this to say: “I used to see all those gimmicks when I was coaching back in college. I’ve been a part of some bad performances before on defense, just not this bad.” That sound you just heard, was the Jets defense being thrown under the bus. Jets LB Calvin Pace added: “We made him (Dolphins QB Chad Henne) look like Dan Marino.They did what they want, and they did it at will.” That sound you just heard was the Jets defense being pulled from under the bus and thrown in front of a steamroller. On top of that, the Jets defense hosts the offensive juggernaut that is the Buffalo Bills and then they travel to face the powerhouse offense of the Oakland Raiders before playing the Dolphins again. The Dolphins have a tough three-game stretch coming up after the bye week: they host New Orleans and then visit the New York Jets & New England Patriots. Wildcat or no Wildcat, this team could easily be 2-6 at the halfway point.
Teams who had byes this week
Chicago: The next four games for Da’Bears: at Atlanta, at Cincinnati, and then they host Cleveland & Arizona. My only question is if the Cardinals win, will we finally find out who Dennis Green thought the Bears were?
Green Bay:Detroit, Cleveland, and TampaBay await the Packers. And in between the Cleveland and TampaBay games, Brett Favre makes his return to Lambeau. I am praying to the football gods that Brett Favre throws a touchdown and then does the Lambeau Leap, just so I can see what happens next.
New Orleans: The Saints get a visit from the New York Giants fresh out of their bye week that could very well be an NFC Championship Game preview. If nothing else, it will be critical in determining home-field advantage. After the Giants, they travel to Miami to play the Wildcats Dolphins before hosting Atlanta & Carolina in NFC South Division games. They then travel to St. Louis & to TampaBay before hosting New England on Monday Night Football November 30th. I’ve been looking forward to this game and I will be in the Dome!
San Diego: Three very important division games are up next for the Chargers: Denver & Oakand at home and a visit to Kansas City in between. Those games are followed by trips to the New York Giants and Denver with Philadelphia at home in between. Yikes. It can get really great or really bad for the Bolts in the next six weeks.
WeekFivePeak Performers (new section!):
WR Miles Austin: 10 catches, 250 yards, 2 TD’s
WR Roddy White: 8 catches, 210 yards, 2 TD’s
QB Kyle Orton: 35/48, 330 yards, 2 TD’s, INT
QB Peyton Manning: 36/44, 309 yards 3 TDs, INT
CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie: 3 Tackles, 1 INT for 49 yards and the game-winning touchdown
Week Five Weak Performers (new section!):
CB Maurice Leggett: Missed two critical tackles leading to both of Miles Austin’s touchdowns
QB Derek Anderson: 2/17, 23 yards, INT
The Tennessee Titans
The Jacksonville Jaguars
Stats That May Surprise You (new section!):
Cedric Benson is the NFL’s leading rusher with 487 yards (six more yards than Adrian Peterson). Steve Smith is the NFL’s leading receiver, but not the Steve Smith you think it is. Steve Smith of the New York Giants leads the NFL with 481 yards. Indianapolis Colts teammates Reggie Wayne (451 yards) and Dallas Clark (441 yards) are right behind him.
The schedule for Week Six has three pivotal games: Baltimore at Minnesota, Denver at San Diego, and the New York Giants visit the New Orleans Saints. Someone is coming out of there with their first loss of the season, unless it ends in a tie (Yes Donovan, games still can end in a tie!). No matter who your team is, I think we can all agree that THE NFL IS AWESOME!!!
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