Get in the Fast Lane, Grandma, FanIQ Presents NHL Mid-Season Grades!
The late Terrible Towel creator once graded the Pirates back in the '80s. He used a very unique way of grading using his crazy phrases. If the player was having a good year, he got a MM-HAH! If the player was having a so-so year or if he didn't know what to think, Cope gave him a rating of EHH. If the player flat out stunk, he was given a very emphatic FEH! This is the scale we'll use for all 30 NHL teams below. This is not a ranking, so to be fair we'll list the teams in alphabetical order. I'm flying solo on this one, not with my co-hostesses, although keep an eye out for more coming from all of us as the season goes on. Without further adieu, BK presents your 2013 NHL Midseason Report Cards...
Anaheim Ducks (GP=24, 18-3-3, 39 points, 1st Pacific Division, 2nd Western Conference)
The Ducks have been one incredible team this year! They're second in the West only to the Blackhawks. 10-1 on home ice, 7-2-1 on the road, and only 1 regulation loss overall in their last 10 games! They have the second best goal differential in the league, also second only to the Hawks. Yeah, no question about them...MM-HAH!
Boston Bruins (GP=23, 17-3-3, 37 points, 2nd Northeast Division, 4th Eastern Conference)
The B's have been great, save their lack of scoring on the power play. 8-1-1 in their last 10, and boast the fewest goals allowed in the entire league, just 48. A stingy defense and a pretty darn good goalie make up for that awful PP. They're one of the teams to watch for coming out of the Eastern Conference. Like the Ducks above, this is a no brainer...MM-HAH!
Buffalo Sabres (GP=26, 9-14-3, 21 points, 5th Northeast Division, 14th Eastern Conference)
How the mighty have fallen! Once an electric power play, once a huge threat, once a coach that was a staple in the NHL. Now Lindy Ruff has been kicked to the curb, the power play has struggled, and Ryan Miller just can't be a one-man show. The close games they used to find ways to win, they've found ways to lose. They're tied with 2 other teams for the fewest wins on home ice, just 4. They're bad and it's a sad sight to see...FEH!
Calgary Flames (GP=24, 9-11-4, 22 points, 5th Northwest Division, 15th Western Conference)
I feel bad for my co-host Debi for this year. The Flames have one of the worst goal differentials in the league. They're still in the playoff hunt in the wild wild West, but they need to put a streak together. Kiprusoff returning should help, but overall they're just not that good of a team. I hope for the best, but I'm not seeing the best. I'm sorry, but FEH!
Carolina Hurricanes (GP=24, 14-9-1, 29 points, 1st Southeast Division, 3rd Eastern Conference)
The Canes lost Cam Ward, but are still playing some great hockey. I wouldn't have thought they'd be in command of the Southeast Division at halfway, but here they are. They're pretty darn consistent with nearly identical records both at home on the road. They're fun to watch, and I would be happy to see them hold that division lead till the end of the season...MM-HAH!
Chicago Blackhawks (GP=26, 21-2-3, 45 points, 1st Central Division, 1st Western Conference)
Last week it finally happened, and they've now lost 2 in a row in regulation, but make no mistake they're one hell of a team! They have found different ways to win, and they've also had Lady Luck on their side a couple times. They're still excellent, and they'll lose a few more in regulation but it will be a monumental collapse if they don't win the President's Trophy...MM-HAH!
Colorado Avalanche (GP=24, 10-10-4, 24 points, 3rd Northwest Division, 12th Western Conference)
They were the team to knock off the Hawks, but that was at home where they're 8-2-1. However, they sport the worst road record in hockey at 2-8-3. They're much better on home ice, but Lord do they sucketh away from the Pepsi Center! For that abysmal road record and the fact that they still seem to be Jekyll and Hyde, I guess they're just EHH.
Columbus Blue Jackets (GP=26, 10-12-4, 24 points, 5th Central Division, 13th Western Conference)
Stop the press! The Jackets have won 5 in a row?! They're still at the bottom of their division, but they're 6-2-2 in their last 10. Is this just a fluky stretch, or a sign of things to come? They're horrendous on the road, just 3 wins in 12 games. I so want to give them a big fat FEH, but they may actually be getting slightly better thanks to the recent lights out play of Sergei Bobrovsky...EHH.
Dallas Stars (GP=24, 12-10-2, 26 points, 5th Pacific Division, 10th Western Conference)
They signed Jaromir Jagr. They traded Michael Ryder and got Erik Cole. They have a lot of talent, but they're merely treading water. They're dead even in goals for and against, 5-4-1 at home, 7-6-1 on the road, that's about as even a season as you can have at the halfway mark. This is easy...EHH.
Detroit Red Wings (GP=26, 12-9-5, 29 points, 2nd Central Division, 4th Western Conference)
The Wings have a losing record on the road, they just got swept in a weekend home-home against the aforementioned Columbus, and the West is so tight that they're in 4th place but 3 points out of 11th! They can't afford to keep the mediocre play going, .500 in their last 10, only outscoring their opponents by a total of 2 goals, and they just aren't the same anymore. They're not bad, but they're not the unbeatable team we've grown accustomed to...EHH
We're just getting started. We're going to take a quick commercial break and be back on page 2 with teams 11-20!