Thanks for Nothing, Sports
Thanksgiving is upon us, people. Time to count our collective blessings for such things as having a roof over your head, being gainfully employed, and the bounty that is Kate Upton. Depending on your rooting interests, there are also plenty of things to be thankful for when it comes to sports. But, unfortunately, there are just as many things to not be thankful for when it comes to our games. And isn't it just a little more fun to point out faults? Here's a short list of shortcomings in sports. As Maggie in Caddyshack would say, "Tanks fer nuttin'!"
NHL Lockout. Gary Bettman + Donald Fehr + Hundreds of unemployed hockey players and thousands more peripheral employees = absolute misery for hockey fans. There's plenty of blame to go round in these types of situations but, let's be honest, it's Gary Bettman's fault that the NHL season is slipping away.
Personal Seat Licenses. Thanks a pantful, NFL, for the single biggest ripoff in professional sports since the 9-dollar beer. Charging loyal fans thousands of dollars for the right to keep their season tickets is just f**ked. What the hell is a seat licence anyway? Does this mean if you have a seat license at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey you're entitled to sit in that seat when Bruce Springsteen plays there? No? Really? So what the hell is this license good for then?
BCS. Notre Dame is not the best team in college football. Not even close. Yet they appear destined to play for the National Championship. This sytem and its evil Hal 9000 computers cannot be put out to pasture soon enough.
ESPN. Roll call: Stuart Scott, Chris Berman, Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith, Mike & Mike, Herm Edwards, Colin Cowherd. Matthew Berry, Suzy Kolber, Lee Corso, and a bunch of ex-jocks screaming at the top of their lungs at each other every Sunday morning. Please make it stop. Does anyone else see corporate arc similarities between ESPN and MTV. Neither is what it started as and both now suck.
Bud Selig. The Strom Thurmond of Major League Baseball, Buddy boy was supposed to reitre in 2009, then it was 2012, now it's 2014. Don't believe any of it. The owners are paying this dried out bag of bones upwards of $20-million per year. Why on earth would he keep his word when he's pulling down that much just to fill out a suit?
Rob Gronkowski's Broken Arm. No, I'm not a Pats fan but Gronkowski's like the only guy on my fantasy football team that I can count on week in and week out. I know it's selfish but with superstar receivers on teams that can't score like Larry Fitgerald, I was really counting on starting a two tight end offense the rest of the season with Gronk and Jimmy Graham. Oh well.
Fred and Jeff Wilpon. The inept father and son ownership team of the New York Mets. I won't even waste time laundry-listing their myriad crimes against the Mets and their fans. These two turkeys are strictly for the birds.
OK, sorry to burden everyone with the annual pre-Thanksgiving rage cleanse. I feel much better now. Hope everyone has a great holiday.