Riding on a horse.  If you're born into a long line of weird - not quite midgets - not quite people - jockeys, you're going to be one too.  The horse does all the work.  Not a sport.

Driving a car.  Two decades ago, I'd have a tougher time arguing this.  The cars were basically stock.  There was no air conditioning and if you wrecked you were going to get hurt.  I still wouldn't have considered it a sport but baking away in a coffin on wheels for 5 hours was at least an admirable and manly profession.  Now these weasels get to sit back in their heavily modified Hot Wheels chassis, liquid-cooled suits, constantly hydrated, and let their crews do everything.  That brings up a quality point.  The guys in those pit crews are athletes.  They can win or lose the race.  But the fact that the whiny bitches behind the wheel get all the glory makes it.. not a sport.  The idiots that do it on the 1/4 mile are even less impressive.

Shooting things.  I don't care how long you have to sit still.  I don't care how much gear you have on.  I don't care how precise your aim has to be.  It takes some kind of sociopath to gun down an animal these days.  I love the population control angle.  Somehow I don't think we'll ever be overrun by deer, regardless of how many or how few hunters decide to drink a 6-pack and stumble into the woods.  The survival and food angle, too.  Go the the grocery store, Cletus, they have a Butcher.  You don't need any more tacky busts on your fake wood walls.  Not a sport.

Pulling things out of water.  For a lot of the same reasons as above, fishing is ghey.  They're all farmed now anyway.  You're throwing your line into a pond full of tens of thousands of retarded inbred fish.  Challenging.  And the guys on TV that get paid to it, hilarious.  With hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of boats and equipment you better empty the ocean.  Where's Jaws when you need him.  Get off my TV.  Not a sport.

Playing cards.  I love watching the World Series of Poker.  I love playing.  But why is it on ESPN?  The World Poker Tour is on the Travel channel and that seems about right.  These loudmouth idiots have taken on the personalities of many of the athletes we've seen over the years, but there's more to being an athlete than talking smack.  These guys have turkey necks, pot bellies, bald heads and appear to be sustained by only Mountain Dew.  Not a sport.

Rolling a ball.  Bowling.  Ugh.  It's like the Poker guys that get eliminated waddle over to a lane and start throwing.  I've heard "intimidation" and "strength" and "courage" thrown around far too freely during these sad events.  Middle-aged men with cheesy 80s Oakleys and bad hair.  Show me a real life version of Ernie McCracken or Jesus Quintana and I might be interested.  Still wouldn't be a sport.

Take note that this is not a campaign against rednecks.  Bull riding is definitely a sport.

I would encompass everything by saying "Anything a really fat person can do isn't a sport" but golf is a sport and John Daly and Craig Stadler have won majors.  But it applies to 99 percent of the population.  Although I'd even go as far as to sacrifice golf as a sport if it meant the others going down with it.

Additions welcome.