As the above photo confirms, suspected-pirate Bill Belichick spends 364 days a year masquerading as a football coach.
"Obviously Bill is a pirate," admitted Tom Brady soon after the damning photo was released. "It's just one of those things that's not a big deal, but we prefer to keep in-house. I can assure you that the focus in New England is on football, not on our head coach's penchant for high-seas conflict."
For nearly every single day of the past 30 years, Bill has been masquerading as a football coach. The ruse begins, first and foremost, with the classic "coach" attire, a Patriots sweatshirt Belichick is rarely seen without. Even in the warmest, most humid climates, when all Bill yearns for is to wear the white, airy blouse of the buccaneer, he simply cuts off the sleeves of his hoodie and trudges onward, committed to the more socially acceptable facade of "American football coach."
The photo of Belichick holding a cutlass to the throat of some young wench may be shocking to some, but not to those who have followed his career closely. Belichick's inner-most pirate can be seen in his coaching style -- the ruthless drubbings he inflicts on those he deems inferior, the scorn for journalists and other members of the establishment he's unable to conceal during press conferences, and that time he cut off Devin McCourty's left hand after a dropped interception.
Despite the indisputable evidence that is the leaked photo, Belichick has refused to comment on his swashbuckling ways, preferring instead to go over the Patriots' weekly injury report which has listed all 52 players as questionable.